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May
10
2016

A Technicolour Yawn

“If you don’t enjoy your life, something else will —-despair, sadness —.” ~ Anonymous

keep-calm-and-be-presentRecently, it feels that many off us are being affected by uncertainty or loss. This is certainly showing up a lot in my caseload, and my extended family.

Part of life is experiencing ‘unwanted’ circumstances. There are many emotional stages related to our internal processing. I am an expert because I have been through them all! We can be dealing with feelings of disbelief, denial, anger, sadness, despair and more.  It takes some time to move into acceptance.

One of the most important things I have learned from myself and my career is that we can determine the amount of time we spend in each stage. Our beliefs, the perspectives we hold and our philosophy can profoundly affect our emotional processing. I have seen this over and over again.

There are two tools I am sharing with you today which recently helped me navigate through the ups and downs of life.

Overwhelm is an emotion we all often feel when facing an unwanted circumstance.

An important resource for managing overwhelm is and exercise called Releasing Internal Pressure. This is pivotal. We can’t move into perspective, recovery or wisdom until we have released all the churning thoughts and opinions that are swirling around inside of us.

I know this is true for myself. When there is internal pressure inside of me my nervous system kicks up, and my mind gets very opinionated and active. Neither are peaceful states! A mistake that I have made many times is assuming that the internal pressure will just go away on its own. Or if I distract myself, it will fade. No, it just pops up again. I have tried avoidance, and I certainly don’t want to drown in uncertainty.

I personally release internal pressure by doing continuous writing. I have an old exercise book, and I keep it just for my continuous writing. I write non-stop and quickly – its more like a scrawl. I can say anything I want because no one will read it. I can swear, have gobs of spelling mistakes, use judgement, and just emotionally vomit.

When I was working in Australia I learned that they call continuous writing a “technicolour yawn”. Great description! Some of my continuous writing is juicy!! You keep writing until there is absolutely nothing more to say, and your breathing deepens.

Then start again the next day, depending on what internal pressure comes up. This is very cleansing. It also keeps us in integrity with how we really feel, rather than trying to avoid it in some way or move to a higher level too fast.

The second pivotal tool is not letting our minds run ahead of us into negative thinking. This can be a real challenge. I know it has been for me. Our minds, when worried or scared, can go all over the place. In the past (how could this have happened?) or in the future (will it be alright?). We usually leave out the present moment. This creates added stress, and slows down our resources – either for ourselves or for someone we love.

Our minds try to figure life out, and are tying to protect us. So they get busy. That’s where the habit of a busy mind develops. Now we have “habit” overlaying initial cause.

Our power exists in the moment. That is where our strength lies. Bringing ourselves into the present is a powerful way to downregulate anxiety and worry. Another tool I like to use is called the Internal Flashlight. I find it gives me extra focus and support.

We can’t control our outer world, but we can our inner world.

When we understand that it is our internal world we want to focus on first, then navigational tools to help us with that become really important. I only go the outside, once I have cleaned up my inside…or as much cleaning up as I can do in this moment.

It is a really good feeling to have an expansion of our internal resources in life. It gives us more peace of mind.

Tags: acceptance, anxiety, Bev Pugh, emotions, life, navigate, power, present, pressure, processing, strength, support, worry
Posted in awareness, healing, managing emotions | 2 Comments »

May
11
2015

How to Support a Journey Through Cancer

Cancer Awareness“I am fully alive in this moment regardless of my physical condition.” ~ Bev Pugh

The word cancer can hold a great deal of emotion. There are so many of us that have been touched by this diagnosis. I have supported many friends and family members through this journey, and also have worked extensively in this area throughout the years. Initially there can be feelings of shock, fear, disbelief, denial, and overwhelming devastation. People often think of death when they hear the word cancer. It is important for all of us to remember that so many survive.

I was just talking to a dear friend yesterday who has been cancer free for 8 years. She was sharing how it was both “bad and good”. It was tough going through it, and at the same time the growth and wisdom she now has is precious to her. She has a great deal to share.

Anxiety is an emotion that surfaces quickly when dealing with cancer. We are dealing with the unknown, and something that feels out of our control. Lives can become centered around doctors’ appointments. Life changes. Worry and apprehension begin to dominate thoughts and feelings. We know it is important to focus on “wellness” and reducing stress in order to activate self-healing, but it is difficult when fear runs through us. I recently talked to a man who was diagnosed with kidney cancer (and he is successfully cancer free now), but his blood pressure went through the roof as he went through the process. This is not unusual.

I would like to share with you how I support people who are journeying through the experience of cancer, or who are supporting someone who is on this road. This is my own approach given my years of experience:

1) I encourage people not to go to the internet for their research and information. The clients I have worked with return consistently more anxious after spending time online. They tend to go into overload, and are less empowered by their experience. Finding your power through the experience of cancer is very important. The internet is as full of misinformation as good information. Be wary of what you read and use discernment.

I would recommend you stay focused on your situation and experience. Not on everyone else’s experience. If information is needed, you can delegate that job to a discerning friend who will not increase your level of anxiety.

2) Gathering information is very important. It is part of building your own sense of power through this. Develop a list of questions that are really important for you. Be prepared for each appointment with your written questions. Overwhelming feelings can make our memory become clouded. One person I worked with made sure she had a friend at each appointment, so there was a second pair of ears. That person’s job was to write out all the answers and make sure all the questions were answered. Another person I worked with had his family members be part of developing the questions, so that the whole family was being supported through the process.

3) Remember, it is your decision how many people you want to tell. I have noticed that some people go very public, and some are very private. The key issue here is you taking charge and deciding what is best for you. There is no right or wrong; only your own honesty with yourself about what feels right.

4) Nurture yourself. What does this look like for you? It may be massages, baths, walks, nature, music, surrounding yourself with loving people, watching funny films….and so much more. Exercise your choice on how to love yourself. This builds the feeling of self-empowerment.

5) Self-advocacy. You know yourself better than anyone else. Recommendations will be made to you by your friends and your doctors. It is important for all of us to always remember that we have a choice. Even a recommendation from an expert, still places the ball in your court. You know the life you want to lead. This isn’t about being naïve, it’s about honouring ourselves at all times. Our guest contributor made some interesting choices that reflected who she is.

6) I would like to share a tool that I share with clients and friends and I use all the time when I face a tough situation.

There are times when we are dealt cards we wouldn’t choose. It is important to look at what choices are available to us. Sometimes we feel so overwhelmed, that we don’t see there are options as to how to handle the situation and move forward. In order to get to the place of choice, we often have to clean out all the clutter that is dominating our mind and emotions.

This is where I start with people, and where I start with myself in a stressful situation. Release the internal pressure inside and you release the clutter.

I personally use continuous writing to release internal pressure. It’s actually more like scrawling. I release all my pent up and repetitive thoughts and emotions. No one sees it, and no one reads it but me. In fact, I rarely reread what I have written. I write without thinking. I just let whatever is inside of me pour out – all of the thoughts; all of the emotions. I sensor nothing. I judge nothing. It’s like a mental and emotional “vomit”. I can swear, blame, and act out on paper. I just keep writing until everything inside of me at that time is out. It is important to acknowledge all our thoughts and feelings, even if it is painful we need to allow for whole expression – full expression without judgement.

Nothing new can come in when we are filled up inside with mental and emotional chaos or turmoil. I create space inside of me so that I have choice. Choice as to how I want to feel inside, and choice as to what to focus on. Choice as to how connected I want to feel to my inner essence rather than the story of what is happening. Choice to see the present moment and move into appreciation for all that is here, rather than being preoccupied with fearful thoughts.

My pattern is to write day after day until the internal pressure is released. I know when that happens because I feel cleaner, more focused, and more mobilized. My breathing becomes deeper and stronger. I always know when I’m on the right track because my body and my breath changes. My breathing becomes a sigh and my body opens and relaxes.

Releasing internal pressure is pivotal to all of us at any time of year. Once we release, we can begin to “think bigger” and hold perspective.

Please share this newsletter with anyone who you feel could benefit. It could be someone who is going through circumstances they would not choose, or people who are supporting them. It could be you.

Tags: anxiety, Bev Pugh, cancer, clutter, empowered, experience, feelings, focus, life changes, nuture, support, worry thoughts
Posted in awareness, Breathing, healing, Inspirational, Learning to Adapt, managing emotions, Meditation and Relaxation, Self Growth, Stress | 8 Comments »

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

New Years Wisdom Exercise

Are you doing what you really ‘know’? For many of us we know, but we are not practicing what we know. Repetition of what we know is key. It is repetition that keeps our momentum going. So which habits do you want to strengthen? And which habits do you want to erase? Change is about developing new repetitive ways of choosing and acting that support you... this leads to consistency.

Take some time to be clear with yourself as to what are the repetitive thoughts, perspectives, and actions you would like to keep practicing that will take you to a more elevated place of living your life. The key to change is clarity of what we want, and then practice and repetition. Remember the word "response...ability". Spelling it this way brings us to a place of owning our own stuff. From this place we can all move forward.

Testimonial

Our ability, as parents, to support our children to thrive in stressful situations is becoming more and more important. Children need very specific tools in their self regulation 'tool kits' that they can draw upon to support their success, and trusted adults to coach them in their use. But what are these tools and how to we teach them effectively to our kids?

Thankfully, there is Beverley Pugh! Bev takes a curious and calm approach to supporting children and parents with this journey. She is passionately invested in teaching parents and children ways to reduce anxiety and approach life positively and confidently. Bev is a master of her craft - she draws on years of her own experience as a parent and counsellor to work effectively and respectfully with children and their parents. I have thoroughly enjoyed Bev's recent workshops for parents and children and recommend them to anyone willing to explore specific strategies to help their children thrive at home, at school and in their community.

Lani M. - Parent and Elementary School Principal

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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