I have a daughter who was driving me crazy. We fought more than we talked.
It took Bev working with me with her “hammer” for me to begin to talk differently with my daughter. I found it helpful for both of us to have counselling together. Somehow, I never felt that Bev took sides. Both of us were challenged, but neither felt stupid or judged.
One day I asked her how she did that and she said she always listened to understand. She did that through curiosity. I never forgot that!! I have found it extremely helpful in all of my relationships since then. These days my daughter and I get along much better.
Learning to use curiosity, rather than judgement, helped us to turn our relationship around.
It really works!