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Jun
15
2016

We Parents

“It is through honouring ourselves, that we teach our children how to honour themselves.” ~ Bev Pugh

father sonMother’s Day has passed and Father’s Day is soon coming.

Over the years I have gained a great deal of experience and wisdom about how to celebrate Parent’s Day. This is what I have learned.

Initially as a Mom, I celebrated my kids on Mother’s Day because I was so excited to be a Mom. Then, I remember taking myself for granted and not really celebrating myself as a parent…a bouquet of flowers or chocolates was “enough”. Then our family went the commercialization route where money was spent on all of us going out for dinner.

Over the past years I have switched direction again, and asked both my kids on Mother’s Day to do two things: 1) To write at least one paragraph to me on how they feel about me as a parent. 2) To put time aside for me and them to play, doing whatever I choose.

We have been doing this for abut five years now. I love it!!

I don’t support the commercialization of Mother’s and Father’s Day, but I do support the acknowledgment of myself as a Mom…a formal acknowledgment. I get lots of hugs and thank yous throughout the year, but it feels good to have a day where I am truly celebrated.

All of us put our hearts and soul into being parents. It is important to step back and acknowledge ourselves. I know some of you think that you made too many mistakes to be deserving of a celebration. The vast majority of us parents do the best we can with who we are at the time. To fall into the ‘I could have done it better’ model is unfair to ourselves. We are all a work in progress. That is life.

I could say, “If I knew then what I know now, I would have done it differently.”, but that is not a productive way of moving forward. We can’t use our learning to beat ourselves up. Learn and celebrate. That is how we move forward.

On Mother’s Day I want to celebrate myself as well as teach my kids how to acknowledge and celebrate a parent…from their hearts.

This Mother’s Day they wanted to take me out for lunch. The cost of Mother’s Day buffet was horrendous. They couldn’t afford that. So we did a wonderful, simple brunch and then went plant shopping together. It was a lot of fun.

Another year they helped me clean my closet. Another year we went dog walking, then lunch and then shopping for me. That was quite hilarious!

I love the cards with handwritten paragraphs on how much I mean to them. It is a heartfelt experience for all of us.

Start early and set the tempo for celebration in a way that has meaning for you. It warms everyone’s hearts, and teaches us so much abut the importance of how to honour one another.

How good is this??!! I applaud us all!

Tags: Bev Pugh, celebrate, feel, hearts, honour, kids, learning, life
Posted in Love | No Comments »

Apr
14
2015

Humility

April NewsletterHumility…..this is where our power lives” ~ Bev Pugh

I am thrilled to be writing about this! For me, humility carries the essence of true self-empowerment.

It is an aspect of us that is not talked about a lot. But it is important for all of us to do our own understanding and self-inventory around this one. As I focus on my self-growth, humility is an aspect my being that I keep close tabs on…it tells me where I am at.

Reflect on when you find yourself competitive with others, or wanting to look better than someone else. Reflect on when you are wanting someone else’s approval. The braggart in us can come out, or we can overextend ourselves because we are trying to impress someone, or we can just be a pain in the you know what. And then there are the moments for all of us where we can remember feeling humiliated.

I would describe humility as a quiet confidence – an ability to celebrate our gifts and accomplishments, but not to acquire outside approval or validation.

Many of us wants others to be impressed by who we are or what we can do. If people are impressed, it means we are a person of value. If we do not believe in our own value and feel disempowered, we often turn to wanting others approval or adoration as a means of feeling powerful. It is a false power because it is dependent on others people’s reactions.

Humility does not mean low self-esteem. It means the opposite. It holds the essence of believing in ourselves and our value…with all our strengths and vulnerabilities. It’s called being human. As we practice humility, we don’t use self-judgment as a way of assessing ourselves…we turn to compassion and self-forgiveness.

The opposite of humility is often described as pride. That means our ego is hungry for other people to see us different than how we feel about ourselves. Again it is false power. For many of us, while growing up we experienced humiliation. I know I did. With that comes the fear of humiliation. We begin to low ball ourselves for fear of failure and mistakes, or we high ball ourselves from arrogance.

Humility doesn’t mean we hide or are quiet or don’t celebrate ourselves. It means the power we have is within us, and we move through life from that inside place rather from worry about the outside.

I would describe humility as a virtue. It is a virtue that I hold in my awareness. Every day I check myself to see how I am doing with this one

It is a great way of catching yourself in moments when you stepped away from believing in yourself and moved into being needy on some level. When this happens to me, I pull out my journal and I write. I write until I’ve got it. I write how I was feeling, what triggered me, the behaviour that I want to extinguish, and then I sit with the feeling of being enough. If my personality has forgotten that feeling, I remind myself by sitting with it. I recall a moment when I felt enough, and I go to that feeling and fill myself with it. I can then step into humility from a place of self-power.

I invite you to build some muscle around this one. It is a wonderful foundation from which to live your life.

Celebrate yourself from the inside out rather than the outside in.

 

Tags: approval, awareness, behaviour, celebrate, feeling, foundation, humility, overextend, power, self reflection, self-empowerment, virtue
Posted in awareness, change, Creating What You Want, healing, Health and Happiness, Inspirational, Self Growth | 4 Comments »

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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