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Jan
09
2017

2017 – My New Years Gift to YOU

bear humour

One Bear to another Bear: “His name is Bradshaw. He says he understands I came from a singe parent den with inadequate role models. He senses that my dysfunctional behaviour is shame based and codependent and he urges me to let my inner cub heal… I say we eat him.”
~ A cartoon I enjoyed while working in Japan. I love learning through laughter!!

Happy New Year everyone! I like the opportunity to start a New Year because it gives me the chance to do a personal review and reassess my accountability to myself. It’s like someone has blown a whistle and said “time out”, so I take some time to reflect.

I’d like to share one of my all time favourite quotes. I have carried this around with me for many years. Here it is:

“To know and not to do…is not yet to know.” ~ A Zen Saying

The quote reminds me that I already ‘know’ (on some level) and it challenges me to move into more integrity with myself. It is a humbling statement of wisdom.

This quote is a great navigational tool. Professionally and personally I have been described as having a good deal of wisdom, but I can do really dumb things. We all can. We forget what we know. The number of times in counselling sessions when I have heard people say “I know. I know.”, but their behaviour is different than what they know. I include myself in this. Our habits of reacting are strong. To erase them or weaken them, we have to be strong in our commitment to ourselves.

What I really love about this quote is it brings us to the truth of what is going on. We can all talk a good line, but are we living it? For me this quote asks me to review what I know is ‘right’ for me, and that takes me to a place of self inquiry. By self inquiry I mean I ask myself, “Bev, how are you really doing?”

As I respond to this self inquiry, I first let go of any blame I am carrying toward other people. All finger pointing is not where truth lies. I also step away from blaming circumstances or situations for any distress I feel. These are all not core issues. As you have heard me say in newsletters before, I am passionate about true self growth, not band aid approaches.

Band aids keep us in the same cycles, but give us temporary relief.

The core to self growth is to stay focused on yourself; to move into the area of self “response…ability”. It starts and ends with us – our thinking, our perceptions, our values, our clarity, and our willingness to take ourselves on.

2017 is about our commitment to ourselves. Remember: “To know and not to do… is not yet to know.”

What do you want to dig deeper and uproot this year?

Happy New Year everyone!

Tags: Beverley Pugh, blame, challenge, change, commitment, habit, inspiration, integrity, self-growth, truth, wisdom
Posted in change, Self Growth | 2 Comments »

Jan
12
2016

What Do You Stand For?

courage“Our true legacy is how we live our lives…not what we leave.” ~ Anonymous

This was a tough newsletter for me to write because once I wrote down what I stand for, four days later I realized “no, that’s not it.” I rewrote it four times! This simple inquiry really got a rumble going. So, this is it for now.

What we stand for is different than what our goals are. For me, what I stand for emanates from the deepest part of me. It is how I desire to be rather than to have.

When I became a parent my life changed overnight. It became really important to me that I gave these beautiful children a full spectrum of opportunity to value themselves, value others, and live a life to their fullest potential. I wanted to somehow contribute to that.

But how do we do that as parents?

It is one thing to ask ourselves, “What do I want to teach my children?”, and it’s quite another to ask, “What do I stand for?”. For me, this is one of those ‘going deep questions’; an inquiry that is useful for all of us. We all need clarity within ourselves, so our choices and behaviour can reflect that clarity.

What we stand for is different than what our goals are. For me, it is a vision that I hold that goes beyond goals and desires.

I stand for:

  • Courage
  • Compassion
  • Highest Potential
  • Service
  • Gratitude

Each one of these words is a way of life; a way of being and doing.

Courage to me is the courage to move forward outside of my comfort zone where there is attachment and familiarity. It is moving into the new, into what I truly desire for myself. It involves walking through fears. Perseverance and commitment are important friends during this phase.

Compassion is valuing myself wholeheartedly and valuing others. Compassion starts with self-compassion. As I dare to move forward, I hold compassion for myself rather than judgement. I hold this way of being for others.

Highest Potential is an integral part of what I stand for with myself and for others. That is why I love my work. My wish is that I am fully integrated and the highest part of me is what directs me. When we argue with different parts of ourselves, it drains a lot of energy. Therefore, we are not being integrated. We are scattered and we exhaust ourselves. Full Integration and Highest Potential. That is what I stand for.

Service is important to me because in my heart, I believe in community. We all need the support of one another.

Gratitude is the cornerstone of how I look at life. For me, it is a way of being rather than a feeling I have when I receive what I’m asking for. Gratitude keeps my heart open and when my heart is open, I grow as I keep experiencing new forms of awareness in each moment.

I once heard someone say, “How I participate in every part of life determines its value.” So true!

In this early part of 2016, reflect on what you stand for. This is our foundation from which we can move forward. This is what we pass on to our children. In our dense consumer driven world, it is easy to spend the whole time swimming in the waters of buying more things.

We often think of legacy as to what things we are leaving. For our loved ones, legacy is much vaster than that, and far more powerful.

I know for myself becoming a parent was the best thing that has ever happened to me. It lifted me to place of increased accountability to myself. This is not about judging ourselves in any way. This is about looking at life and living it from a place of inspiration and clarity.

Invite yourself to ponder. Ponder what you stand for. This is our true legacy.

Have a great year everyone!

Tags: behaviour, being, Beverley Pugh, commitment, compassion, courage, potential, service
Posted in awareness, Choice, Feeling Gratitude, forgiveness, Gentleness, Health and Happiness | 12 Comments »

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

Self-Governing

Take 15 minutes of quiet time dedicated to being clear about what you want for yourself, and how you are going to get there. Using this analogy, imagine you have 3 levels of self-government:

What does the Executive part of yourself want?

What is the Legislative part of you doing or going to do to ensure this happens?

How is the Judiciary part of you offering a space where you can learn, make a mistake, and keep getting stronger rather than judging yourself as being less than or a failure?

This is a tool to monitor ourselves, then watch and review how we are doing. Enjoy!

Testimonial

Our ability, as parents, to support our children to thrive in stressful situations is becoming more and more important. Children need very specific tools in their self regulation 'tool kits' that they can draw upon to support their success, and trusted adults to coach them in their use. But what are these tools and how to we teach them effectively to our kids?

Thankfully, there is Beverley Pugh! Bev takes a curious and calm approach to supporting children and parents with this journey. She is passionately invested in teaching parents and children ways to reduce anxiety and approach life positively and confidently. Bev is a master of her craft - she draws on years of her own experience as a parent and counsellor to work effectively and respectfully with children and their parents. I have thoroughly enjoyed Bev's recent workshops for parents and children and recommend them to anyone willing to explore specific strategies to help their children thrive at home, at school and in their community.

Lani M. - Parent and Elementary School Principal

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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