Mastery of Health and Happiness
  • Home
  • Who am I
  • What is Mastery?
  • Pearls of Wisdom
  • Media
  • Store
  • Newsletter
  • Contact
Sep
12
2016

Sharing My Favourite Metaphor

A picture says a thousand words

“A Picture Says a Thousand Words” ~ A wise saying

The month of September can be very challenging as we gear up for the September to June challenge. I would like to share a special metaphor that has served me well in life. I can thank my Dad for it. This metaphor has helped me be wise in difficult times.

I grew up in Toronto and at the age of 19, my Dad taught me how to drive. He drove me to Yorkdale, a large shopping mall, at night when no one was there. We would drive around and around. He insisted I learn a standard. We had an automatic, but he held firm despite my whining. He said total freedom to go anywhere in the world meant learning how to drive a stick shift. We all have different definitions of freedom!!

So I nervously stripped the gears, and the car leapt forward. Dad and I bounced around as I made one mistake after another. But Dad was firm and determined, so we endured through my learning. Over time, the mistakes became less and I was reading the terrain while managing the inside workings of the car. I had to stay alert. In an automatic you don’t have to pay as much attention to the motor so you can kind of be on autopilot, but not with a standard. Quite a difference between the two.

When I began lecturing at the University of Toronto, I remember thinking that life is like driving a stick shift. So many of us are on autopilot and snooze through life. We lose the muscle required to stay awake and “drive” with clarity.

We pop pills, have a drink, blame someone else (this is a biggie), zone out in front of the TV, or spend money. We don’t build the muscle of awareness and choice. We become more reactive rather than creatively alive. Discernment isn’t always a skill we learn.

Life requires us to read the terrain, know what is going on inside of us, hold perspective, observe, take action, and know when to go into our heart and when to use our thinking mind….so many skills. This is important for us to know about life. Life is like a stick shift, not an automatic. What a profound insight!!

Knowing when to move forward, when to pause and allow for integration, and when to reverse or step back is important for our health – emotional and physical. But is takes alertness, awareness and commitment. No snoozing, unless you are aware you are consciously taking a break.

In this month of September demands will come our way, and themes like pacing, listening to our bodies, and honouring our needs become important navigational tools. Most of us don’t listen to our bodies. We are thinking, and the thought navigates us rather than what our bodies need. This is an important month for self-care as we gear up for the fall and its plans.

In life, as with driving a car with a stick shift, we need to find balance of the external terrain and what is happening inside of us. It is important to be accountable to ourselves.

Enjoy this metaphor as a reminder of balancing life and staying wise.

Tags: alert, aware, balance, Beverley Pugh, choice, conscious, emotional, life, listening, physical
Posted in awareness, Choice | 5 Comments »

Apr
04
2016

My Birthday Gift to You

“Do or do not. There is no try.” ~ Yoda in Star Wars

Dominant ThoughtsYes, it’s my birthday this month! I love my birthday because I am the center of my own attention…in a positive way!!!  And it’s cause for celebration! It’s a great feeling to truly celebrate ourselves.

As I reflect on my growth throughout the years, I would like to share with you one of the most foundational pieces of learning that I have experienced. It’s a phrase that I quietly say to myself. But first let me tell you why it is important to me, and probably to you as well.

I grew up in a family where negative thinking was a way of life, and a way of fending off the worst things that could happen. The belief was that if you anticipate the worst by thinking negatively, then you protect yourself from the hurt you feel if something “bad” happens. You don’t hurt as much because you were emotionally preparing for it. This was not verbally said in my family, but I could feel it as a way of surviving and coping.

In my years of psychology, I learned that these negative thoughts come from the primal or instinctual part of the brain. It’s a safety mechanism. It’s a hard wiring. It’s not that it is bad or wrong. It has a place in our lives, but we were not meant to live our lives from this place or part of our brain. When we do, we recreate our past in our present. For many of us it has to do with the theme of not being good enough. Either we feel we are not good enough, or each situation or moment is not good enough. Lack is a common theme for many of us.

Since I grew up in a family who would anticipate bad things, coping techniques like control or avoidance became strong. Controlling can be a way of trying to make bad things not happen.

The second major thing I learned in psychology, was that my conscious mind is my ticket to happiness and freedom. What I am not conscious of, I can’t change. What I am conscious of, I can choose to change. Our conscious mind carries the ticket of choice. Of course a large part of counselling is knowing ways of unlocking the subconscious, so the conscious mind has more insight and choice.

So what is the phrase that has helped me navigate through life…more than navigate, flourish?

I began with the understanding that “what we focus on expands”. So true!!!

For some time that was my focus and my mantra, so to speak. It is very powerful in that our experience of life changes depending on what we are focusing on. Thank heavens for the conscious mind because it can choose our focus! If our subconscious is in charge, it may focus on negatives and lack…it holds a filing cabinet of doubts, fears and traumas. It is important we stay awake and aware of what we are thinking. We can teach ourselves how to observe our thoughts rather than be run by them.

Over time I began to develop a phrase to stay conscious. I began to quietly say to myself, “staying conscious”. What does consciousness mean to me? It means staying awake and connected to my wisdom and what I stand for. It means being present in every moment. It means seeing what is good in the moment, and feeling appreciation and gratitude for everything.

Over time I changed my heart filled mantra to “I am the highest consciousness” because I realized I wanted to live my life from an elevated consciousness. I found that just saying this phrase brought in a lot of energy and happiness because it put me in charge, rather than my thoughts.

It is important to understand that we can’t get rid of our negative thoughts. That is like trying to drain the ocean. There are times, through inquiry, that we can take the energy out of our thoughts by challenging them. There are other times where we have a habit going, and we need to shift our focus so that the thought weakens.

An essential piece of learning here is that we can choose our dominant thought, and that is extremely powerful. The dominant thought you choose is essential to your health and happiness. It determines how you feel and act in the moment. It determines your perception, and therefore your experiences in life.

I went dog walking yesterday and realized I was taking the world with me. I quietly said to myself, “I am my highest consciousness”. I said it over and over until that was my dominant thought, and then I loved my quiet walk. I had left the world behind me.

Enjoy April. And I will think of you as I eat cake…lots of it!!

Tags: Bev Pugh, brain, conscious, dominant, fears, focus, habit, happiness, mind, negative, positive, subconscious, thoughts
Posted in Choice, managing emotions | 12 Comments »

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Join Our Mailing List

Mastery Practice Tool

When wanting to find forgiveness for someone else, ask yourself for 3 examples where you have been imperfect and engaged in troubled behaviour. It can be around a similar theme. For example, if someone else has been selfish, find 3 examples in your life where you engaged in selfish behaviour. Once you’ve written them down, take a deep breath, and then go back to the individual that you are holding non-forgiveness towards. You may find that the amount of judgement that you are holding has softened. Remember it’s not about absolving the other person; it’s about softening the hold that judgement has on you.

Testimonial

Our ability, as parents, to support our children to thrive in stressful situations is becoming more and more important. Children need very specific tools in their self regulation 'tool kits' that they can draw upon to support their success, and trusted adults to coach them in their use. But what are these tools and how to we teach them effectively to our kids?

Thankfully, there is Beverley Pugh! Bev takes a curious and calm approach to supporting children and parents with this journey. She is passionately invested in teaching parents and children ways to reduce anxiety and approach life positively and confidently. Bev is a master of her craft - she draws on years of her own experience as a parent and counsellor to work effectively and respectfully with children and their parents. I have thoroughly enjoyed Bev's recent workshops for parents and children and recommend them to anyone willing to explore specific strategies to help their children thrive at home, at school and in their community.

Lani M. - Parent and Elementary School Principal

Archives

  • May 2018 (1)
  • March 2018 (1)
  • January 2018 (1)
  • December 2017 (1)
  • November 2017 (1)
  • October 2017 (1)
  • September 2017 (1)
  • August 2017 (1)
  • July 2017 (1)
  • June 2017 (1)
  • May 2017 (1)
  • April 2017 (1)
  • March 2017 (1)
  • February 2017 (1)
  • January 2017 (1)
  • December 2016 (1)
  • November 2016 (1)
  • October 2016 (1)
  • September 2016 (1)
  • August 2016 (1)
  • July 2016 (1)
  • June 2016 (2)
  • May 2016 (2)
  • April 2016 (2)
  • March 2016 (2)
  • February 2016 (2)
  • January 2016 (2)
  • December 2015 (2)
  • November 2015 (2)
  • October 2015 (2)
  • September 2015 (2)
  • August 2015 (2)
  • July 2015 (2)
  • June 2015 (2)
  • May 2015 (2)
  • April 2015 (2)
  • March 2015 (2)
  • January 2015 (4)
  • December 2014 (2)
  • November 2014 (2)
  • October 2014 (2)
  • September 2014 (2)
  • August 2014 (2)
  • July 2014 (2)
  • June 2014 (2)
  • May 2014 (2)
  • April 2014 (2)
  • March 2014 (2)
  • February 2014 (2)
  • January 2014 (2)
  • December 2013 (2)
  • November 2013 (2)
  • October 2013 (2)
  • September 2013 (3)
  • August 2013 (1)
  • July 2013 (2)
  • June 2013 (2)
  • May 2013 (1)
  • April 2013 (2)
  • March 2013 (2)
  • February 2013 (2)
  • January 2013 (2)
  • December 2012 (2)
  • November 2012 (2)
  • October 2012 (2)
  • September 2012 (4)
  • August 2012 (3)
  • July 2012 (3)
  • June 2012 (3)
  • May 2012 (3)
  • April 2012 (4)
  • March 2012 (3)
  • February 2012 (3)
  • January 2012 (2)

Categories

  • awareness (30)
  • Balance (8)
  • change (16)
  • Choice (28)
  • Feeling Gratitude (14)
  • forgiveness (8)
  • Gentleness (10)
  • healing (17)
  • Health and Happiness (35)
  • Health and Wellness (18)
  • holding power (9)
  • Inspirational (32)
  • Learning to Adapt (18)
  • Love (30)
  • managing emotions (20)
  • Meditation and Relaxation (15)
  • Parenting (6)
  • Pearls of Wisdom (21)
    • Breathing (3)
    • Creating What You Want (4)
    • Gratitude (6)
    • Happiness (7)
    • Heart Space (2)
    • Meditation (2)
  • Relationships (4)
  • Self Growth (57)
  • Stress (3)
  • transitions (6)
  • Uncategorized (3)

About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

(c) 2023. Beverley Pugh Counselling Services. All Rights Reserved. Site Designed by Pureze Web Media.