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Apr
02
2012

Feeling Judged? Maybe it is time to re-author a new story for yourself by Dan Beauvais

“Narrative therapists are interested in joining with people to explore the stories they have about their lives and relationships, their effects, their meanings and the context in which they have been formed and authored.”

Alice Morgan from What is Narrative Therapy?

Have you ever felt that you being too hard on yourself?  That personal critical judgment has become overwhelming?  There are reasons why this happens.  From the time we are born, we learn our culture codes through imitation – we copy what we watch and hear.  It is ritual observance.  We learn from those who learned before – to walk, dress, use good table manners, how socialize in public, settle conflicts, etc.

Our observing practice includes engaging in a ritual of ongoing internalized conversation with ourselves as a way of measuring ourselves against the external world, and trying to determine if we fit in or are acceptable to others.  The culture codes we adopt for ourselves represent the rules we use to judge our self worth and who we are as a person.  These rules form the stories we live by and inform how we make meaning of the world around us.

Often we are recruited into adopting stories about ourselves where we don’t feel like we quite “measure up”.  This can happen when we enter in a new relationship, when our social environment changes, or at a time when we are undergoing personal changes in our own lives.  The ritual of practicing internalized conversations combined with adopting marginalizing stories about ourselves, leaves us vulnerable to negative self-judgment; to the point where we can’t see anything but the “flaws” that we use to begin to define who we are.

To overcome these debilitating self-judgments I have found it very useful to understand and challenge how this problem saturated story was manufactured.  Secondly, engage in re-remembering practices where you are able to identify preferred ways of being that fit with your authentic voice.  Challenge those codes, rules and points of reference that you have been using to judge yourself and return to your preferred way of being.

Tags: authentic voice, critical judgement, culture, Dan Beauvais, measure up, personal judgement, ritual observance, self-judgement
Posted in Self Growth | No Comments »

Jan
03
2012

My Trip to Georgia: Learning to Adapt and Change in a Strange New Place by Holly Jarrett

Georgia mapThe following article is written by my daughter, Holly. She’s is an amazing young woman who recently spent some time overseas. If you would like to share your own stories of travel and change, I’d love to feature them in my newsletter. Please email me at bev@beverleypugh.com.

My name is Holly and I am 22 years old. Recently I took a year off university in order to travel and experience life in other countries. I didn’t have a career plan yet, and I wanted to expand my horizons. I learned about a volunteer program where you have the opportunity to live in Georgia in Eastern Europe and teach English. They pay your airfare and set you up with a host family. I immediately said “yes”!

So in September I boarded a plane ready to experience 4 months of life on the other side of the world. To say it was an amazing experience is an understatement. It was without a doubt equally the most terrifying and exciting thing I have ever done. I learned very quickly that absolutely everything is different – from the food to the language to the culture. My comfortable Canadian lifestyle was far away. Every day opened the door to new challenges and adventures.

What I realized almost immediately was that if I was going to get the most out of my trip, I needed to be willing to let go of my need for structure and control and learn to be flexible. A great sense of humour and an ability to laugh at myself was essential. Communicating became a combination of Charades, the little bit of Georgian I learned, and the little bit of English my host family learned. It was a challenge to say the least, but we had a lot of fun with it.

When in Georgia I would often joke about ‘Georgian time’ because if I needed to get somewhere it required a lot of flexibility, a lot of time, and often wouldn’t happen despite my best efforts. Public transportation would randomly shut down. Even booking a taxi ahead of time wouldn’t mean anything. After a time I did get comfortable with their way to doing things and I actually found it a little boring to resume my life when I came back to Canada. After all, at home order and routine are a way of life.

I still keep in touch with my host family and remember fondly the strange sights (a lady carrying a sheep in a plastic bag) and sounds (not understanding the conversations around me). Would I ever do something like this again?  Absolutely! It has changed who I am (for the better I think). It has opened my eyes to a different way of life. I am a lot more accepting of the people I meet, and I’ve learned that life is better when you can go with the flow.

Tags: accepting, Bev Pugh, Beverely Pugh, culture, Eastern Europe, flexible, Georgia, Holly Jarrett, let go of control, life experience, travel
Posted in Learning to Adapt | No Comments »

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

Cooling Yourself Down

To be able to listen and respect our partner or children we often have to cool down, calm down and find our internal equilibrium. To start a conversation with a high temperature is asking for more heat. Use the ‘Bathroom Technique’. Before a conversation that you know will hold emotion, prepare yourself. If your partner is aware, they will prepare themselves as well. The bathroom is a great place to focus because it has a lock. You have some moments of safety! Belly breathe, then set your stance to one of curiosity and listening. Ground yourself - meaning send your energy down to the earth, not up to your mouth. Sometimes we are caught off guard, especially by our kids. I have become an expert in grounding and staying centred through breath in any moment. You can as well. Remember to send your energy down, not up or scattered! Keep building your resource kit!

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Our ability, as parents, to support our children to thrive in stressful situations is becoming more and more important. Children need very specific tools in their self regulation 'tool kits' that they can draw upon to support their success, and trusted adults to coach them in their use. But what are these tools and how to we teach them effectively to our kids?

Thankfully, there is Beverley Pugh! Bev takes a curious and calm approach to supporting children and parents with this journey. She is passionately invested in teaching parents and children ways to reduce anxiety and approach life positively and confidently. Bev is a master of her craft - she draws on years of her own experience as a parent and counsellor to work effectively and respectfully with children and their parents. I have thoroughly enjoyed Bev's recent workshops for parents and children and recommend them to anyone willing to explore specific strategies to help their children thrive at home, at school and in their community.

Lani M. - Parent and Elementary School Principal

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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