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Mar
13
2018

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hear… is he still wrong?

communication

“If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hear… is he still wrong?” ~A fridge magnet

This fridge magnet makes for an interesting discussion between couples. My husband loves this quote.

In couples counselling, often the underlying theme being presented by clients is, “let’s get to the place where I am right, and my partner is wrong”. All of us have experienced this tendency. It stunts our communication and intimacy if we operate from this position. Not a lot can grow from it. But many of us do it either consciously or unconsciously.

Connection is based upon understanding. That is why in marital counselling we often do paraphrasing work, and encourage people to step into the other person’s shoes so that there is an understanding. This brings a feeling of being honoured. If we don’t feel honoured, we can become very angry and resentful. It can create a disconnect. Not good! It’s then impossible to move forward in our relationship. We get stuck in ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

Do you feel honoured and understood in your relationship with your partner? Does your partner feel honoured and heard in their relationship with you?

If you wish to enhance your relationship with your partner or your child, I suggest the following:

Step 1: If you feel the emotional life thermometer going up, begin to belly breathe and feel your feet on the earth. Wiggle you toes and then ground yourself so you stay focused and clear.

Step 2: Go into your heart. Do that by imagining something you love, perhaps an animal, a special place in nature, or a child. We cannot move into any kind of resolution if our heart is closed.

Step 3: Listen to your partner (or child) from a place of being open. I ask myself the question, “Have I ever felt like they feel now?”, and then I let myself remember how it feels. Now I am really listening, and compassion is present in this moment. It doesn’t mean you abandoned your needs, but you are now listening from a place of hearing and there is still a connection rather than a disconnect.

Step 4: Paraphrase back to them to make sure you understand their meaning.

Step 5: Somewhere in the middle between them and you is the answer. Be open to it.

Step 6: This is not about giving up your opinion, your feelings, or your experiences. It’s about how to keep the connection going while you wade through the foliage. How you feel is important, and how they feel is important. If both of you can enter into communication from a place of open mind and open heart, then the chances for a good outcome increases.

Listening to understand is a beautiful way for both of you to keep the connection present while you sort things out.

Enjoy this morsel!

Tags: angry, breathe, compassion, Counselling, emotion, feelings, listen, open, relationship, understanding
Posted in Love, managing emotions | No Comments »

Nov
14
2017

Balance and Self-Regulation

balance

My eldest daughter, Holly, in India

“Self-regulate… we can re-balance ourselves in the moment.” ~Bev Pugh

November is a dark month. It’s important for all of us to bring as much lightness into our lives as we can, otherwise we get way too serious. Emotions like depression, anxiety, despair, and moodiness can really kick up.

It is essential for all of us that we self-regulate. This means we bring as much balance into our lives as we can on all levels – emotionally, physically, and mentally.

This is one of the ways I self-regulate. When I feel I am too serious or in a funk, I have taught myself to take action to bring myself into balance. Sometimes we can’t “fix” the challenge in the moment, but we can direct ourselves to bring in some levity. This, in the end, will help us be far more creative and wiser for whatever the challenge is.

I play this particular song and let my body sway and play along with it. The dog loves it! The cat remains unimpressed. My family just says, “there she goes again”. This is a song I would play for all ages… our children and grandchildren because they just “get” it, and us older ones because we know how important it is to bring lightness into our lives.

There is a great deal of serious stuff happening in the world right now. I find it is important for me to stay in charge of my focus so I don’t take on the fear, negativity and suffering that is out there. So I play this song, often in the morning while I am making breakfast. I do a fun jig and it takes me to a place of lightness and balance so any frown lifts and a smile comes in.

Balancing our emotions is very important. I have learned to take action when I feel moody. I listen to what the upset feeling has to say with sincerity and with the intention of no judgement. Then I go into my heart and ask myself how can I be the solution here? What part do I play in the solution and what part do I give back to the situation or the other person? Sometimes I play this wonderful song in order to breakthrough any negativity I am feeling.

Creating wonderful responses and solutions does not happen in a negative stance. It happens when our hearts are open and creativity can come in. So I play my song and I not only get happier, I get smarter!

This is not a bandage approach. It is a pure, transformative skill whereby we all can take responsibility for our awareness and our choice in each moment to bring ourselves into balance. Remember: bringing ourselves in balance helps us be more creative in how we live our lives.

If you haven’t pressed the magic button to hear the song, go for it now!

Open yourself up and also open up your family to the vibrations of more FUN!!!

Tags: balance, Bev Pugh, creativity, emotion, feeling, lightnesss, negative, self-regulate, upset
Posted in awareness, Balance, Choice | No Comments »

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

Tree Exercise for Children

During The Laughing and Breathing Belly workshops I taught an exercise for children called Standing Like a Tree. The children really enjoyed it. This is a great calming activity. You can have fun teaching them to stand like a rooted tree. They will feel good and steady.

Stand with them with feet shoulder-width apart and slightly bend their knees. Their arms go out like they are hugging the tree. Ask them to close their eyes and bring in the feeling of being a tree. Describe for them how they can feel their roots going down deep into the earth and then spreading. Their awareness is going down deep into the earth too. This is grounding for them. They can feel what it's like to be the strong big trunk of the tree and how good strength feels. They imagine the crown of their head reaching and touching the sky. It is a beautiful feeling of connection. Have them hold it for about 3-minutes. Practice it with them and you, too, can feel quieter inside!

Testimonial

My daughter, Trinity, attended her first Children’s Empowerment Workshop and she loved it! It has helped her deal with some of the real anxieties that all children go through - from the not so nice kid at school, to the imagination that runs away with her at night time, when we are getting ready for bed.

She practices her rooting and the different breathing techniques that she has learned, and has become stronger and more confident in dealing with different situations.

Pauline M.

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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