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Nov
14
2017

Balance and Self-Regulation

balance

My eldest daughter, Holly, in India

“Self-regulate… we can re-balance ourselves in the moment.” ~Bev Pugh

November is a dark month. It’s important for all of us to bring as much lightness into our lives as we can, otherwise we get way too serious. Emotions like depression, anxiety, despair, and moodiness can really kick up.

It is essential for all of us that we self-regulate. This means we bring as much balance into our lives as we can on all levels – emotionally, physically, and mentally.

This is one of the ways I self-regulate. When I feel I am too serious or in a funk, I have taught myself to take action to bring myself into balance. Sometimes we can’t “fix” the challenge in the moment, but we can direct ourselves to bring in some levity. This, in the end, will help us be far more creative and wiser for whatever the challenge is.

I play this particular song and let my body sway and play along with it. The dog loves it! The cat remains unimpressed. My family just says, “there she goes again”. This is a song I would play for all ages… our children and grandchildren because they just “get” it, and us older ones because we know how important it is to bring lightness into our lives.

There is a great deal of serious stuff happening in the world right now. I find it is important for me to stay in charge of my focus so I don’t take on the fear, negativity and suffering that is out there. So I play this song, often in the morning while I am making breakfast. I do a fun jig and it takes me to a place of lightness and balance so any frown lifts and a smile comes in.

Balancing our emotions is very important. I have learned to take action when I feel moody. I listen to what the upset feeling has to say with sincerity and with the intention of no judgement. Then I go into my heart and ask myself how can I be the solution here? What part do I play in the solution and what part do I give back to the situation or the other person? Sometimes I play this wonderful song in order to breakthrough any negativity I am feeling.

Creating wonderful responses and solutions does not happen in a negative stance. It happens when our hearts are open and creativity can come in. So I play my song and I not only get happier, I get smarter!

This is not a bandage approach. It is a pure, transformative skill whereby we all can take responsibility for our awareness and our choice in each moment to bring ourselves into balance. Remember: bringing ourselves in balance helps us be more creative in how we live our lives.

If you haven’t pressed the magic button to hear the song, go for it now!

Open yourself up and also open up your family to the vibrations of more FUN!!!

Tags: balance, Bev Pugh, creativity, emotion, feeling, lightnesss, negative, self-regulate, upset
Posted in awareness, Balance, Choice | No Comments »

Jun
13
2017

Approval Seeking

Bev Pugh - Self Love

“No one is more or less important than anyone else.” ~Bev Pugh

When I was young and growing I had buck teeth, a flat chest, and grew overnight to be 5’5″. All of this happened at a very early age! I felt awkward and funny looking. I am sure I looked it! I began to develop ways of coping to handle my unpleasant feelings.

We all had times growing up when we experienced unpleasant feelings. Whether it was related to our bodies, relationships, expectations, or family dynamics.

I wonder what experiences you had and what your coping techniques were? We develop ways of managing our emotions. Positive habits are learned and negative habits are also adopted. The latter we want to extinguish as we get wiser.

Looking to others for validation and confirmation that we are okay can become a repetitive coping technique for dealing with our emotions. We have all experienced the feeling of wanting other people’s approval. For some of us, it can become a way of life. This we don’t want.

When we are approval seeking we are looking for a need within us to be met, and we are going outside of ourselves to have that need met. If we continue to look to others for love and affirmation, we lose the opportunity of developing a strong friendship with ourselves.

Approval seeking can be a way of dealing with a belief that we are not good enough in some way… so we give ourselves away to other people’s approval, with the hope of feeling important or loved or good enough.

When we are approval seeking several things happen:

1. We loose our personal power and give it to the other person.
2. We get out of touch with what we really think and feel.
3. We miss so many opportunities to love ourselves unconditionally because our focus is on others rather than on ourselves.
4. We can abuse ourselves because we are not honouring what we need.
5. We loose confidence.
6. We can loose our vitality.
7. We don’t develop a real friendship with ourselves.

This gives us so many reasons to start immediately noticing in our lives when we are seeking attention or approval from others, and call ourselves on it immediately.

But how do we turn all of this around?

The most important thing to remember is that we all have the innate capacity to love. As you are reading this, feel the love and warmth in your heart for someone you really love. It’s a beautiful open-hearted warm feeling. It’s a matter of turning that warm loving feeling to yourself and allowing yourself to receive it.

Somewhere in our history we began to judge ourselves for being “less than” in some way. Remember that judgment is a mental concept. It’s not the truth. We all have beautiful intrinsic value. But our judgement of ourselves keeps us from having that unconditional friendship.

Self acceptance and self love are the antidotes for approval seeking.

There are many ways to build our relationship with ourselves. The one I often relate to is feeling the love I have for family and nature, and then turning that beautiful love inwards to myself and allowing myself to receive it without blocking it with thought. Keep repeating this and let yourself soak it in.

I would really chase this theme of approval seeking. It keeps us “little” when the truth is we are really “big” and we need to let ourselves expand, rather than stay contracted in patterns that don’t serve us.

Enjoy developing a true friendship with yourself!!!

Tags: approval, Bev Pugh, coping, emotions, feeling, focus, friendship, good enough, habit, judgement, love, power, seeking, validation
Posted in awareness, holding power, Love, managing emotions, Relationships, Self Growth | 6 Comments »

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Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Welcome the enjoyment of that holiday perspective and feeling and imprint it or stamp it into your consciousness or memory bank so you can call on it and connect to it whenever it is needed.

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Thankfully, there is Beverley Pugh! Bev takes a curious and calm approach to supporting children and parents with this journey. She is passionately invested in teaching parents and children ways to reduce anxiety and approach life positively and confidently. Bev is a master of her craft - she draws on years of her own experience as a parent and counsellor to work effectively and respectfully with children and their parents. I have thoroughly enjoyed Bev's recent workshops for parents and children and recommend them to anyone willing to explore specific strategies to help their children thrive at home, at school and in their community.

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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