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Jan
12
2015

“Refreshing” Your Self Growth

butterfly“If we do what we’ve always done, we will be what we’ve always been.” – Said by a “smart person!” Beverley Pugh

Welcome to 2015! There are certain times of the year that invite reflection. This is one.

I offer you these thoughts for this coming year: when it comes to your relationship with your self-growth…are you COMMITTED or are you INTERESTED? What a big difference there is between them. I know that because I have been there.

What do I mean when I say “Committed” or “Interested”? One is a slow boat, and usually there are more ups and downs and suffering. This is “Interested”. The other can be like giving birth, but it is more direct and it is faster. This is “Committed”. Both involve moving forward. Where are you?

I consider myself an expert because I feel I have done them both, and I have witnessed it all! For years I thought I was ”Committed” to my self-growth. I did everything right, so to speak…meditation, goal setting, inspirational speakers and books, good intentions.

But in actuality I was still holding back. I was willing to go to a point, but not the whole enchilada…I was “kind of doing it and kind of growing”. Does this sound familiar? It’s like a game of bartering where by you take a lot of action, but still hold a few marbles back…the ones that would really hurt to let go of.

I had a very powerful session with a client who said the “marbles” he was holding back was his belief that if his wife were different, he would be a better man. He still blamed her for his temper. If it wasn’t for her “stuff”, he would be a much calmer person. Another person I worked with said she felt that she is doing many things to step out, but is still hanging onto her secret that she is flawed. This was a thought she believed and she saw truth in. Another individual believed it was simply too late. She had gone as far as she could, given her circumstances in life. She was interested in change, but could not be.

I understand all of this. I have been there. Now in all my growth, I am “Committed” to letting go of it all.

Counselling is one way to learn how to effectively challenge the deeper levels that keep us from going for what we really want. Yes, it can feel like a root canal. One client put it so well. “Can’t I hold back on the tough ones? When is enough, enough?” When you reach that beautiful place where you feel so much lighter; that feeling of breath and freedom – that is enough.

Some of us decide it’s too tough and instead we wait for external changes to happen. Well, you can wait a life time for that one.

I encourage all of you to sit quietly and listen to stillness and silence .Then ask yourself, “Am I “Committed” to my self-growth or am I “Interested”? Where do I stand right now?”

Really invite clarity to come in. Remember that both commitment and interest will take you on the path to self-growth. Commitment, to me, means uprooting something that has been holding you back. It is an internal job, something within you. It needs to be cleared before you are complete in who you are. Interested is growing and moving forward while hanging on to those tough bits that  just feel  too much to challenge.

This year keep this question in the forefront of your awareness

AM I COMMITTED OR AM I INTERESTED?

Decide how deep and free you want to be. If you hear a ‘but’ that you are compelled to follow, you are moving into “Interested”. “Committed” is giving it your ALL even when the ‘buts’ come in.

Both are good because they move us forward…how deep and at what pace is our free choice.

Tags: Bev Pugh, breath, change, choice, freedom, goal, intention, Mastery of Health and Happiness, self-growth
Posted in Inspirational, Self Growth | 4 Comments »

May
13
2014

Judgement by Dan Beauvais

gentleness“History is your friend, planning for the future can be very productive; Judgment hurts.” – Dan Beauvais

I’ve heard a lot of discussion around the importance of staying present. I personally feel that in order to be happy and well in the present, you must connect positively with the past and the future. Our past is filled with positive experiences and behaviors that are essential to living well now. And I’ve always found it beneficial to have a plan for the future and work towards goals.

Where I find people struggle with the past and the future is when these landscapes are suffused with judgment. From the crib on we hear stories of judgment all the time; “Someone is at fault”; someone did something wrong”. When we get practiced at pointing the finger at others, we become very good at pointing back at ourselves. Indeed, it is difficult to have compassion for others when we are so used to being critical.

Regardless of where you are located, past, present or future, when you engage in self-deprecating self-talk you sabotage any possibility for joy and happiness.

One of the foundational principles in non-violent communication work is learning how to suspend judgment in how you speak to others and to yourself. Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of nonviolent communication, writes that when we speak to others or ourselves “we judge others and their behavior while preoccupying ourselves with whose good, bad, normal, abnormal, responsible, irresponsible, smart, ignorant, etc.”  We engage in this continual dialogue of critique.

Judgment can paralyze us from accomplishing our goal of living a preferred life and alienate those we love. Don’t be afraid of bringing the past forward or thinking about the future, just make sure that you learn to suspend judgment.

Tags: communication, Dan Beauvais, future, goal, happiness, joy, judgement, life, love, past, present, sabotage
Posted in Gentleness, Health and Happiness, Love | No Comments »

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

Decide on a scale of 1 to 10 just how important a certain self-growth issue is for you. Give it a number - 10 meaning really important, 1 meaning not important at all. Then softly close your eyes and imagine what it would feel like to be completely FREE of whatever is holding you back. Take your time and SOAK it in. Keep the value number in the front of your mind, and step into living that life of freedom. When the BUTs come in, that is decision time...are you “Interested” or are you “Committed”? The ‘buts’ come from the mind; the courage comes from our hearts.

Testimonial

Our ability, as parents, to support our children to thrive in stressful situations is becoming more and more important. Children need very specific tools in their self regulation 'tool kits' that they can draw upon to support their success, and trusted adults to coach them in their use. But what are these tools and how to we teach them effectively to our kids?

Thankfully, there is Beverley Pugh! Bev takes a curious and calm approach to supporting children and parents with this journey. She is passionately invested in teaching parents and children ways to reduce anxiety and approach life positively and confidently. Bev is a master of her craft - she draws on years of her own experience as a parent and counsellor to work effectively and respectfully with children and their parents. I have thoroughly enjoyed Bev's recent workshops for parents and children and recommend them to anyone willing to explore specific strategies to help their children thrive at home, at school and in their community.

Lani M. - Parent and Elementary School Principal

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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