healing | Mastery of Health and Happiness

Jan
12
2015

A Journey of Self-Growth – How Divorce Helped Me Find Myself

by Kate

Two years ago I left my husband. Well, to be precise, I told him it wasn’t going to work and that he needed to move out. There are a lot of reasons for this decision. Funnily enough, when I told him he quickly agreed with me. I guess we were both feeling unhappy for a long time, it just took me to finally act on it for things to change.

You see, I had come to a place where I knew that I had gotten married for all the wrong reasons. I married him for the life that I thought I wanted. You know the one – house, car, kids, dog – in other words, I was trying to live the “dream”. The problem was that I was trying to fit myself and my husband into this so called “dream life”, that in reality wasn’t really what either of us wanted. We felt smothered, and spent more time arguing then we ever did getting along. So I did the only thing that made sense to me; I left him.

Since then, you could say I’ve been on quite a journey of self-growth. At first, I went through every emotion imaginable – from grieving to anger to loneliness to heartbreak. Those first few months are a blur. I just focused on trying to keep it together for my kids, and making it through the day.

But gradually I was able to start to reflect on my life, and the choices I’ve made. I realized that I was the one who had created a life that wasn’t making me happy, so by that logic I could also create a new life – one where I could be happy and at peace with myself – emotionally and spiritually.

I started to meditate and practice yoga. I read books about inspiring people, and listened to audios like Bev’s Mastery of Health and Happiness. I began to see really positive aspects to my life. I realized that despite some bad choices, I had also made a lot of good ones.

Mostly, I started feeling gratitude – for the amazing people I know, for the good things going on in my life, and for all those little things that matter the most – like a hug from my 6 year old, and the way the sun looks coming up over the treetops in the morning. All of this has helped me to find myself again. I had lost that girl during my marriage, and I must admit that I was relieved to find her. I have a long way to go (really does personal growth ever stop?), but for now I’m content with feeling whole again, and that’s enough for me.

Tags: acceptance, change, choice, divorce, feelings, gratitude, happiness, healing, heart, journey, life, love, self-growth
Posted in Self Growth, transitions | No Comments »

Oct
14
2014

My Brother Died

“They lived and laughed and loved and left.” – James Joyce

Such sadness. My younger brother has passed away.

Feeling deep loss is a tough one for all of us.

There are layers and layers to grief. I’m experiencing them as I go through this. Grief also comes in waves. You’re good, and then a wave comes in and you are hit by it. Layers and waves…I’m experiencing all of them.

I’m consciously letting myself feel all the emotions. Part of me wants to just hold the bigger picture…the cyclical nature of every aspect of our life. But holding perspective doesn’t mean that there are not times when we feel raw, vulnerable, exposed and despairing.

So, as I go through these layers, I allow whatever is there to come to the surface so I can see what it is. Then I “be” with it.

Grief can’t go through us if we don’t feel it, acknowledge it, and allow it to be present. I know I am consciously breathing deeply as I invite it to go through me, rather than getting stuck.

And then there is the feeling that “nothing is the same”. It is strange, because life goes on around us as if nothing has changed.

However, everything has changed. There is a remembering of the way it was, a raw missing of the past, lots of emotions around change, and the attachment to the way it was. We go through them all.

I am also aware that grief signals a new beginning. A new book is beginning, so to speak. And that is the essence of life.

I’m remembering the importance of being gentle with ourselves when we are grieving. To grant ourselves the space to take care of our needs. And to listen to what we need.

Grief teaches us so much. Our loved ones move on, and this gives us the opportunity to look at life in so many new and different ways.

I’m remembering that life is about cycles – night and day – seasons, a minute, an hour…everything is a cycle. And so are we. Each cycle is completed.

My words of wisdom at this moment are this:

Everyone’s death is a big lesson for those of us left behind.

Stay growing!!

Tags: awareness, Beverley Pugh, change, emotions, feelings, grief, growing, healing, sadness
Posted in healing, managing emotions | 32 Comments »

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A Journey of Self-Growth – How Divorce Helped Me Find Myself

My Brother Died

Beverley Pugh

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