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Jun
15
2016

We Parents

“It is through honouring ourselves, that we teach our children how to honour themselves.” ~ Bev Pugh

father sonMother’s Day has passed and Father’s Day is soon coming.

Over the years I have gained a great deal of experience and wisdom about how to celebrate Parent’s Day. This is what I have learned.

Initially as a Mom, I celebrated my kids on Mother’s Day because I was so excited to be a Mom. Then, I remember taking myself for granted and not really celebrating myself as a parent…a bouquet of flowers or chocolates was “enough”. Then our family went the commercialization route where money was spent on all of us going out for dinner.

Over the past years I have switched direction again, and asked both my kids on Mother’s Day to do two things: 1) To write at least one paragraph to me on how they feel about me as a parent. 2) To put time aside for me and them to play, doing whatever I choose.

We have been doing this for abut five years now. I love it!!

I don’t support the commercialization of Mother’s and Father’s Day, but I do support the acknowledgment of myself as a Mom…a formal acknowledgment. I get lots of hugs and thank yous throughout the year, but it feels good to have a day where I am truly celebrated.

All of us put our hearts and soul into being parents. It is important to step back and acknowledge ourselves. I know some of you think that you made too many mistakes to be deserving of a celebration. The vast majority of us parents do the best we can with who we are at the time. To fall into the ‘I could have done it better’ model is unfair to ourselves. We are all a work in progress. That is life.

I could say, “If I knew then what I know now, I would have done it differently.”, but that is not a productive way of moving forward. We can’t use our learning to beat ourselves up. Learn and celebrate. That is how we move forward.

On Mother’s Day I want to celebrate myself as well as teach my kids how to acknowledge and celebrate a parent…from their hearts.

This Mother’s Day they wanted to take me out for lunch. The cost of Mother’s Day buffet was horrendous. They couldn’t afford that. So we did a wonderful, simple brunch and then went plant shopping together. It was a lot of fun.

Another year they helped me clean my closet. Another year we went dog walking, then lunch and then shopping for me. That was quite hilarious!

I love the cards with handwritten paragraphs on how much I mean to them. It is a heartfelt experience for all of us.

Start early and set the tempo for celebration in a way that has meaning for you. It warms everyone’s hearts, and teaches us so much abut the importance of how to honour one another.

How good is this??!! I applaud us all!

Tags: Bev Pugh, celebrate, feel, hearts, honour, kids, learning, life
Posted in Love | No Comments »

Dec
04
2014

An Even Greater Learning for Me – Deep Appreciation

poinsettia

“Loving What Is” – Byron Katie

Christmas can be a special time of refection. It can be a very emotional time for some of us. With the passing of my brother, it holds a very heart-based meaning.

This season has many different meanings for so many of us. For some, it is a time for prayer, and family, holidaying, lights, music, friendship and love. There is so much commercialization; it can make it a hectic season. I know that some just endure. What meaning are you giving to this Christmas?

Sentiment can take us to so many different places. It can lead us to think that there is something wrong with the present. I know. I have been there. My brother should be here. He loved life, and his family so he should be here. So who says he should be here? ME! So what kind of God am I? One that wants things to be a certain way.

This got me thinking…am I only wise when things go my way? I have had to work through this one. Can you relate?

So I go to the theme of “love what is”. That is a tough one when you are cheesed off with the powers that be. I have been working it through because I am determined to grow through life events, rather than stay stuck.

For me, it is interesting where grief has taken me this Christmas. I feel the willingness to go to a place of deep gratitude. I thought I did that before, but now I realize there was a part of me that was conditional about it.

When times are rocky, our thinking mind goes to all the rocks and that becomes the focus of our attention. The gift in life is to learn how to acknowledge and feel the rocks, but keep a wide angle lens on your attention so you can hold a larger perspective.

So I took to refocusing my attention, and therefore my mind, on what is good in this moment now. There were moments when the only thing that was good was the chocolate bar in my purse. As I keep refocusing my attention with the tenacity that I love about myself, I started to go deeper than gratitude and deeper than appreciation. This deep appreciation took me to what is noticed and acknowledged in the present moment that brought a smile to my face. Like my face cream, or the carrot I was chopping, and that my lungs work when I breathe, and the trees and the people I love, and who love me. I began to let go of the conditional part of me. I will only be appreciative if it is good.

I realized on a deeper level that we take so very much for granted. When we take things for granted we can be in our own emotional addictions like worry, or negativity, or busyness or whatever is there for you. It keeps us heavy.

Freedom is light…it’s feeling light. A deep appreciation for everything that is here is a beautiful way of being. We can often talk of gratitude from our deeds, rather than our hearts. It is essential that we FEEL it in the moment. That our hearts open and we FEEL it.

How do you feel it? Think about moments in your life when you have felt gratitude…and pause and take time to revisit it and really FEEL it. Now bring that feeling forward to the NOW. Your mind may have opinions like “I am too annoyed to feel gratitude”, or another emotion getting in the way. Say to yourself “That is just my mind, and I am so very much more than my mind”.

I open my heart to gratitude for this beautiful tree or flower or animal or bath. This is how we live a life of appreciation, rather than scarcity thinking.

This month can be a month of celebration…of open hearts, of smiles, of deep appreciation for what is.

I just received a lovely card and it said…”Sorrow does not last forever, but memories do and so does love”.

I smiled when I read it.

If any of you are feeling heavy this season, say to yourself….”Just for right now, in this moment, I am going to move into appreciation”. That is all our lives are…moment after moment after moment.

We all have our stories, but I encourage all of you to let the lights and music and love in this season to OPEN you up to everything that is HERE now.

Tags: appreciation, Beverley Pugh, emotions, family, feel, gratitude, grief, hearts, holidays, love, perspective
Posted in Feeling Gratitude | No Comments »

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Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

Our Most Powerful Parenting Tool

 

Notice the moments when you are asking your children to be an "expectation" you have that you yourself are not addressing. We can model self-growth to our children by being honest with ourselves around our own growth. We can model the following:

 
  • Non-judgment of ourselves when we lose it
  • How we pick ourselves up and self correct
  • Practicing self-love and acceptance rather than looking to others
  • Self care and how we honour our bodies, our intentions and our lives
 

This is not about being perfect, or living a life of guilt or regret. This is about maintaining our focus on the biggest version of who we are, and being on that journey with no judgment of ourselves. We all make mistakes and fall into the pot holes, but it’s our humour, commitment, and love for ourselves that is our most powerful teaching tool.

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Our ability, as parents, to support our children to thrive in stressful situations is becoming more and more important. Children need very specific tools in their self regulation 'tool kits' that they can draw upon to support their success, and trusted adults to coach them in their use. But what are these tools and how to we teach them effectively to our kids?

Thankfully, there is Beverley Pugh! Bev takes a curious and calm approach to supporting children and parents with this journey. She is passionately invested in teaching parents and children ways to reduce anxiety and approach life positively and confidently. Bev is a master of her craft - she draws on years of her own experience as a parent and counsellor to work effectively and respectfully with children and their parents. I have thoroughly enjoyed Bev's recent workshops for parents and children and recommend them to anyone willing to explore specific strategies to help their children thrive at home, at school and in their community.

Lani M. - Parent and Elementary School Principal

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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