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Sep
15
2015

Bringing Harmony into Your Relationships

Part 1 – Listening to Understand: Curiosity

Curiosity word in letterpress type“Curiosity opens our minds and our hearts. Judgement closes the mind and the heart.” ~ Beverley Pugh

I am passionate about relationship counselling. I’d like to share with you what I have seen that is helpful for people who want to bring more connection and harmony into their relationships. Let’s begin by looking at how we talk to one another. In all the relationship counselling I have done over the years, I see one pattern that is very common. Many people have a tendency to make the other person wrong. I often hear that if the other person were different, everything would be ok. The general feeling is one of blame and judgement.

If you have a relationship that is important to you and you want to strengthen it, find a way of talking to that person that honours yourself, honours them, and honours the relationship. I have never seen relationships or people grow when blame and judgement are the way of communicating. There may be a temporary change or a reactive change, but not true growth. If you want consistent, healthy dynamics in your relationship, it is important to look at how you communicate with the other person.

The first tool I will share with you is curiosity. A beautiful aspect of curiosity is that it will help you sidestep blame, judgement, and finger pointing. Begin to get curious about what the other person is thinking and feeling behind their behaviour or words.

Probably one of my greatest strengths as a counsellor is that I am truly curious about why people say and do certain things. People do things for a reason, and I am curious to find out what those reasons are. I hold the stance of curiosity in a respectful way. There is no dissention. Most people I see mean well, even if they have dropped the ball repeatedly. People like to be understood from a place of respect and curiosity, rather than judgement. My guess is you would as well.

The power of curiosity is in using it to listen to understand, rather than to judge and prove that we are right. If you can listen to understand, you set the stage for respect and connection. You can still disagree with the other person, it’s just how we do it that changes.

How often do you listen to understand? Curiosity is one tool you can foster to promote an open mind in the other person. A curious mind is an open mind. If you move into judgement, your mind will close to you, and the connection is broken.

When you listen to understand with curiosity, people feel safe enough to truly share where they are at. This is a pivotal point in relationship building.

Play with curiosity over the next month. Find out where it takes you.

Enjoy September and the newness of another season. You can be part of that newness.

Tags: awareness, Bev Pugh, change, focus, heart, intention, Mastery of Health and Happiness, self-growth
Posted in awareness, change, Creating What You Want, Self Growth | 4 Comments »

Sep
15
2015

Curiosity Strengthened My Relationship with My Daughter

Teenage Daughter Arguing With Mother on PorchBy Susan

I have a daughter who was driving me crazy. We fought more than we talked.

It took Bev working with me with her “hammer” for me to begin to talk differently with my daughter. I found it helpful for both of us to have counselling together. Somehow, I never felt that Bev took sides. Both of us were challenged, but neither felt stupid or judged.

One day I asked her how she did that and she said she always listened to understand. She did that through curiosity. I never forgot that!! I have found it extremely helpful in all of my relationships since then. These days my daughter and I get along much better.

Learning to use curiosity, rather than judgement, helped us to turn our relationship around.

It really works!

Tags: attention, Bev Pugh, calm, change, family, intention, Mastery of Health and Happiness, self-growth
Posted in awareness, Learning to Adapt, Love, managing emotions, Self Growth | No Comments »

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Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

This is one of my favourites. I find it very rich.

 

Take a few moments to be quiet. Invite yourself to take a few big breaths, and release any tension. Now imagine someone or something that you love. I often imagine part of nature that moves me deeply. Feel the sensations start to move inside you; flowing inside you. You may feel warmth, or an inner smile, or an opening in your chest. You may feel expansive.

 

Allow the sensations and nuances to grow, and just silently observe and feel. Willingly invite these nuances to flow all through you as if they are filling you up. This is WHO YOU ARE. Stay in this beautiful place of self-expansion. This is self-love. This is unconditional love – freedom from the thinking mind stating the conditions upon which we are lovable. This place of beauty and appreciation is our natural state. Stay in this place for as long as you wish. You are feeding yourself, and remembering a deeper aspect of yourself that is not dependent on conditions. I practice this regularly. It is a very peaceful place to be.

Testimonial

Bev's Laughing and Breathing Belly Workshop for Children was one of the best I have attended. She has a gifted ability to gently connect with children and teach and share with them her techniques of belly breathing, rooting, mind vacations and laughter. These techniques soothe and calm them whenever they feel overwhelmed or anxious - be at school, home or before bed time. Whether you have an overwhelmed pre-schooler or a test-anxious pre-teen, Bev's approach works! I love that she gave parents the tools to model and share these fundamentals of meditation with their children. I would encourage families to take her course...your children will thank you and you will benefit from ways to keep yourself calm and allow wisdom in.

Farrah J. - Mother of 3, West Vancouver

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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