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Mar
09
2017

To All Parents, Grandparents, and Aspiring Parents

“Our integrity is the greatest gift we can give our kids.” ~Bev Pugh

cat hugAll of us parents want to be the best parent we can. It is quite a responsibility and a beautiful gift!!! There are so many parenting books, but for me I love this one story about Gandhi which holds a tremendous amount of wisdom. It’s an important reminder for us all.

In India, a mother wanted her son to eat less sugar. She decided that since all her attempts had failed, she would travel a large distance with her son to have Gandhi tell him that he was eating too much sugar and should stop. After much planning and reflecting, she took her 7-year-old son on a 5-hour train ride to visit Gandhi. She had arranged for an audience with him.

When they finally met with Gandhi she explained her situation and worry about her son, and asked that he tell her son directly to stop eating sugar. She waited for Gandhi’s response. He turned to the mother and said, “come back in two weeks”. The mom was beside herself with disappointment and frustration, and pleaded with Gandhi again to tell her son that sugar was bad for him and he had to stop. Again Gandhi looked at the Mom and told her to come back in two weeks. Distraught, the Mom left with her son.

She waited the two weeks and then decided that she would try again. So she took her 7-year-old son on the train again and travelled the 5-hours to have another audience with Gandhi. When it was their time she again repeated the story and asked Gandhi to tell he son not to eat sugar. Gandhi turned to her son and in a clear strong voice he said, “Don’t eat sugar”. The Mom was so relieved and grateful. Her son looked like he had been spoken to by an oracle.

Before they left, the Mom said, “Why did you make me come back the second time? Why couldn’t you have told him that the first time? I had to travel many hours on the train.” To which Gandhi responded, “Because two weeks ago, I was eating sugar.”

This is a very powerful reminder to all of us parents that the most powerful way we can parent our kids, is to be our own advice. No amount of lecturing, preaching, guilt or pushing will teach them feel the truth of what we are asking of them. How many of us are in integrity with ourselves?

When I was in Japan and had my first child, a very special person said to me, “Our children are our biggest teachers”. How true!

Stay focused on your own internal growth. This will ripple out to your children. We are not perfect, and this isn’t about being perfect. I laugh at my double standard, and my kids are too wise not to see the difference between what I espouse and what I actually do. But what they do see is a parent who is dedicated to her own self-growth… from the inside out.

That is the greatest gift we can give them!

Tags: Bev Pugh, growth, integrity, internal, kids, parent, responsibility, self-growth, wisdom
Posted in Parenting | No Comments »

Jun
15
2016

We Parents

“It is through honouring ourselves, that we teach our children how to honour themselves.” ~ Bev Pugh

father sonMother’s Day has passed and Father’s Day is soon coming.

Over the years I have gained a great deal of experience and wisdom about how to celebrate Parent’s Day. This is what I have learned.

Initially as a Mom, I celebrated my kids on Mother’s Day because I was so excited to be a Mom. Then, I remember taking myself for granted and not really celebrating myself as a parent…a bouquet of flowers or chocolates was “enough”. Then our family went the commercialization route where money was spent on all of us going out for dinner.

Over the past years I have switched direction again, and asked both my kids on Mother’s Day to do two things: 1) To write at least one paragraph to me on how they feel about me as a parent. 2) To put time aside for me and them to play, doing whatever I choose.

We have been doing this for abut five years now. I love it!!

I don’t support the commercialization of Mother’s and Father’s Day, but I do support the acknowledgment of myself as a Mom…a formal acknowledgment. I get lots of hugs and thank yous throughout the year, but it feels good to have a day where I am truly celebrated.

All of us put our hearts and soul into being parents. It is important to step back and acknowledge ourselves. I know some of you think that you made too many mistakes to be deserving of a celebration. The vast majority of us parents do the best we can with who we are at the time. To fall into the ‘I could have done it better’ model is unfair to ourselves. We are all a work in progress. That is life.

I could say, “If I knew then what I know now, I would have done it differently.”, but that is not a productive way of moving forward. We can’t use our learning to beat ourselves up. Learn and celebrate. That is how we move forward.

On Mother’s Day I want to celebrate myself as well as teach my kids how to acknowledge and celebrate a parent…from their hearts.

This Mother’s Day they wanted to take me out for lunch. The cost of Mother’s Day buffet was horrendous. They couldn’t afford that. So we did a wonderful, simple brunch and then went plant shopping together. It was a lot of fun.

Another year they helped me clean my closet. Another year we went dog walking, then lunch and then shopping for me. That was quite hilarious!

I love the cards with handwritten paragraphs on how much I mean to them. It is a heartfelt experience for all of us.

Start early and set the tempo for celebration in a way that has meaning for you. It warms everyone’s hearts, and teaches us so much abut the importance of how to honour one another.

How good is this??!! I applaud us all!

Tags: Bev Pugh, celebrate, feel, hearts, honour, kids, learning, life
Posted in Love | No Comments »

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Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

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