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Apr
02
2012

Feeling Judged? Maybe it is time to re-author a new story for yourself by Dan Beauvais

“Narrative therapists are interested in joining with people to explore the stories they have about their lives and relationships, their effects, their meanings and the context in which they have been formed and authored.”

Alice Morgan from What is Narrative Therapy?

Have you ever felt that you being too hard on yourself?  That personal critical judgment has become overwhelming?  There are reasons why this happens.  From the time we are born, we learn our culture codes through imitation – we copy what we watch and hear.  It is ritual observance.  We learn from those who learned before – to walk, dress, use good table manners, how socialize in public, settle conflicts, etc.

Our observing practice includes engaging in a ritual of ongoing internalized conversation with ourselves as a way of measuring ourselves against the external world, and trying to determine if we fit in or are acceptable to others.  The culture codes we adopt for ourselves represent the rules we use to judge our self worth and who we are as a person.  These rules form the stories we live by and inform how we make meaning of the world around us.

Often we are recruited into adopting stories about ourselves where we don’t feel like we quite “measure up”.  This can happen when we enter in a new relationship, when our social environment changes, or at a time when we are undergoing personal changes in our own lives.  The ritual of practicing internalized conversations combined with adopting marginalizing stories about ourselves, leaves us vulnerable to negative self-judgment; to the point where we can’t see anything but the “flaws” that we use to begin to define who we are.

To overcome these debilitating self-judgments I have found it very useful to understand and challenge how this problem saturated story was manufactured.  Secondly, engage in re-remembering practices where you are able to identify preferred ways of being that fit with your authentic voice.  Challenge those codes, rules and points of reference that you have been using to judge yourself and return to your preferred way of being.

Tags: authentic voice, critical judgement, culture, Dan Beauvais, measure up, personal judgement, ritual observance, self-judgement
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Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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If I feel funky, I know that I have closed down in some way. I probably reacted to one of my thoughts, or to what someone was saying. I actually ask or direct my heart energy to open again by saying this out loud: "My heart is open in the front and the back, and my mind in one with my heart. My heart is connected to the highest part of me." I imagine something I love - often swimming in the ocean - and I savour the love of it so I can feel my heart open again. I have turned my focus to it, and directed my heart energy to open. I do this before I begin an activity, or see anyone that for some reason feel I may be reactive towards. A tip: I have been known to do it in the bathroom when I am taking a break from dynamics, and I come out feeling more open and wiser. This works! The bathroom is a great place to bring yourself back into balance!!

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Thankfully, there is Beverley Pugh! Bev takes a curious and calm approach to supporting children and parents with this journey. She is passionately invested in teaching parents and children ways to reduce anxiety and approach life positively and confidently. Bev is a master of her craft - she draws on years of her own experience as a parent and counsellor to work effectively and respectfully with children and their parents. I have thoroughly enjoyed Bev's recent workshops for parents and children and recommend them to anyone willing to explore specific strategies to help their children thrive at home, at school and in their community.

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
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West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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