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Apr
04
2016

My Birthday Gift to You

“Do or do not. There is no try.” ~ Yoda in Star Wars

Dominant ThoughtsYes, it’s my birthday this month! I love my birthday because I am the center of my own attention…in a positive way!!!  And it’s cause for celebration! It’s a great feeling to truly celebrate ourselves.

As I reflect on my growth throughout the years, I would like to share with you one of the most foundational pieces of learning that I have experienced. It’s a phrase that I quietly say to myself. But first let me tell you why it is important to me, and probably to you as well.

I grew up in a family where negative thinking was a way of life, and a way of fending off the worst things that could happen. The belief was that if you anticipate the worst by thinking negatively, then you protect yourself from the hurt you feel if something “bad” happens. You don’t hurt as much because you were emotionally preparing for it. This was not verbally said in my family, but I could feel it as a way of surviving and coping.

In my years of psychology, I learned that these negative thoughts come from the primal or instinctual part of the brain. It’s a safety mechanism. It’s a hard wiring. It’s not that it is bad or wrong. It has a place in our lives, but we were not meant to live our lives from this place or part of our brain. When we do, we recreate our past in our present. For many of us it has to do with the theme of not being good enough. Either we feel we are not good enough, or each situation or moment is not good enough. Lack is a common theme for many of us.

Since I grew up in a family who would anticipate bad things, coping techniques like control or avoidance became strong. Controlling can be a way of trying to make bad things not happen.

The second major thing I learned in psychology, was that my conscious mind is my ticket to happiness and freedom. What I am not conscious of, I can’t change. What I am conscious of, I can choose to change. Our conscious mind carries the ticket of choice. Of course a large part of counselling is knowing ways of unlocking the subconscious, so the conscious mind has more insight and choice.

So what is the phrase that has helped me navigate through life…more than navigate, flourish?

I began with the understanding that “what we focus on expands”. So true!!!

For some time that was my focus and my mantra, so to speak. It is very powerful in that our experience of life changes depending on what we are focusing on. Thank heavens for the conscious mind because it can choose our focus! If our subconscious is in charge, it may focus on negatives and lack…it holds a filing cabinet of doubts, fears and traumas. It is important we stay awake and aware of what we are thinking. We can teach ourselves how to observe our thoughts rather than be run by them.

Over time I began to develop a phrase to stay conscious. I began to quietly say to myself, “staying conscious”. What does consciousness mean to me? It means staying awake and connected to my wisdom and what I stand for. It means being present in every moment. It means seeing what is good in the moment, and feeling appreciation and gratitude for everything.

Over time I changed my heart filled mantra to “I am the highest consciousness” because I realized I wanted to live my life from an elevated consciousness. I found that just saying this phrase brought in a lot of energy and happiness because it put me in charge, rather than my thoughts.

It is important to understand that we can’t get rid of our negative thoughts. That is like trying to drain the ocean. There are times, through inquiry, that we can take the energy out of our thoughts by challenging them. There are other times where we have a habit going, and we need to shift our focus so that the thought weakens.

An essential piece of learning here is that we can choose our dominant thought, and that is extremely powerful. The dominant thought you choose is essential to your health and happiness. It determines how you feel and act in the moment. It determines your perception, and therefore your experiences in life.

I went dog walking yesterday and realized I was taking the world with me. I quietly said to myself, “I am my highest consciousness”. I said it over and over until that was my dominant thought, and then I loved my quiet walk. I had left the world behind me.

Enjoy April. And I will think of you as I eat cake…lots of it!!

Tags: Bev Pugh, brain, conscious, dominant, fears, focus, habit, happiness, mind, negative, positive, subconscious, thoughts
Posted in Choice, managing emotions | 12 Comments »

Aug
12
2014

Can You Help My Friend?

sunflower - loyalty and longevityThis isn’t a plea for a new boyfriend.  It’s a heartfelt hope that the as-yet-unknown person whose blood type is just right for my friend will come forward for testing. I tried and was not the perfect match. Maybe you are.

For Teresa Atkinson, being a great fighter isn’t always a plus.  I’ve known Teresa for over 10 years and since our first meeting at The Kidney Foundation where I worked and she volunteered, I was struck by her ability to overcome obstacles, fight back when things or situations needed changing, and strategize solutions to problems.  A tireless worker on any committee she joins, she is also lots of fun to work and be with – all while enduring the many challenges of being a kidney dialysis patient.  Teresa was one of the first in BC to train for home dialysis and for the past decade her bedtime routine includes face washing, teeth cleaning and night dialyzing – a system whereby she hooks herself up to a dialysis machine that cleanses her blood overnight while she sleeps.

But for Teresa, it’s time to get off dialysis and receive a new kidney. Her system is having problems handling the challenges of ongoing dialysis.  Unfortunately her great fighting ability comes from more than just her positive spirit.  It’s also in the blood –and for a transplant hopeful, that’s not good news.  Teresa’s antibodies, her system’s fighters, are too plentiful and too efficient.

According to Wikipedia, the world’s new dictionary for everything, antibodies in the blood identify and neutralize foreign objects such as bacteria and viruses.  The problem is, antibodies also identify and neutralize (reject) other foreign objects – such as donated and transplanted organs, like kidneys.

The anti-rejection drugs that transplant patients take daily for the rest of their lives usually work well to “fool” the recipient’s antibodies into thinking the new organs are good guys that don’t need to be rejected.  But for people like Teresa who have an excess of antibodies, it’s more challenging. The need to find a donor whose blood is a perfect match for hers is imperative.  It can be done.  It has been done.  But it takes longer.

I had hoped to be that person.  When I saw on her Facebook page that Teresa was searching for a kidney donor I immediately wanted to help.  I knew from my work at The Kidney Foundation that people don’t need two kidneys and that following surgery a living kidney donor goes right back to normal life never noticing that one kidney is gone.  I also knew from knowing and working with Teresa that I wanted to try to be her donor.  Unfortunately I am not the perfect match.  After only two trips to the lab for blood tests it was determined that a kidney from my body would not meet Teresa’s needs.

Teresa needs a new kidney.  I ask that everyone who knows her, loves her and wants to help her gets tested.  The perfect match is out there.  Maybe it’s you.  To find out, call the Pre-Assessment Transplant Clinic at Vancouver General Hospital, 604-875-5182.

Tags: blood type, dialysis, fighting, healing, kidney, perfect match, positive, spirit, testing, transplant
Posted in healing | No Comments »

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

New Years Wisdom Exercise

Are you doing what you really ‘know’? For many of us we know, but we are not practicing what we know. Repetition of what we know is key. It is repetition that keeps our momentum going. So which habits do you want to strengthen? And which habits do you want to erase? Change is about developing new repetitive ways of choosing and acting that support you... this leads to consistency.

Take some time to be clear with yourself as to what are the repetitive thoughts, perspectives, and actions you would like to keep practicing that will take you to a more elevated place of living your life. The key to change is clarity of what we want, and then practice and repetition. Remember the word "response...ability". Spelling it this way brings us to a place of owning our own stuff. From this place we can all move forward.

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Our ability, as parents, to support our children to thrive in stressful situations is becoming more and more important. Children need very specific tools in their self regulation 'tool kits' that they can draw upon to support their success, and trusted adults to coach them in their use. But what are these tools and how to we teach them effectively to our kids?

Thankfully, there is Beverley Pugh! Bev takes a curious and calm approach to supporting children and parents with this journey. She is passionately invested in teaching parents and children ways to reduce anxiety and approach life positively and confidently. Bev is a master of her craft - she draws on years of her own experience as a parent and counsellor to work effectively and respectfully with children and their parents. I have thoroughly enjoyed Bev's recent workshops for parents and children and recommend them to anyone willing to explore specific strategies to help their children thrive at home, at school and in their community.

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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