“History is your friend, planning for the future can be very productive; Judgment hurts.” – Dan Beauvais
I’ve heard a lot of discussion around the importance of staying present. I personally feel that in order to be happy and well in the present, you must connect positively with the past and the future. Our past is filled with positive experiences and behaviors that are essential to living well now. And I’ve always found it beneficial to have a plan for the future and work towards goals.
Where I find people struggle with the past and the future is when these landscapes are suffused with judgment. From the crib on we hear stories of judgment all the time; “Someone is at fault”; someone did something wrong”. When we get practiced at pointing the finger at others, we become very good at pointing back at ourselves. Indeed, it is difficult to have compassion for others when we are so used to being critical.
Regardless of where you are located, past, present or future, when you engage in self-deprecating self-talk you sabotage any possibility for joy and happiness.
One of the foundational principles in non-violent communication work is learning how to suspend judgment in how you speak to others and to yourself. Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of nonviolent communication, writes that when we speak to others or ourselves “we judge others and their behavior while preoccupying ourselves with whose good, bad, normal, abnormal, responsible, irresponsible, smart, ignorant, etc.” We engage in this continual dialogue of critique.
Judgment can paralyze us from accomplishing our goal of living a preferred life and alienate those we love. Don’t be afraid of bringing the past forward or thinking about the future, just make sure that you learn to suspend judgment.
