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Mar
08
2016

Some Personal Reflections

“My Conviction is Stronger than my Thoughts.” ~ Novak Djokovic, World # 1 Tennis Professional

Faces - emotionsRecently I really came up against myself. I just wrote a eulogy for someone I love. It triggered another layer of inquiry, and some of my ‘stuff’ started to resurface again. You know what it is like when you feel you have dealt with something, and then it comes up again? That in itself is challenging.

There have been a number of deaths in my family over a very short period of time…and 2 friends as well. There was lots of sadness, grief, and tears. Then a real rumble started inside of me about whether the people I loved should have died. I disagreed with the big guy in the sky, and started an argument within me, and with the powers that be. This is really interesting for me because my spiritual life is really important to me. Now I came up against my thoughts and convictions big time!

A lot of emotion came up for me. I was arguing within myself…Bev fighting Bev. An aspect of me believed they shouldn’t have died and should have had more time. It all felt very unfair. Yet another aspect of me knows on a deep level that there is such a thing as divine timing. Knowing it is one thing, and living it is another. The rumble became really active. I took on the Heavens with my doubts and anger and judgment. I played in the arena of being self righteous.

Being in the field of psychology, I know how important it is for all of us to feel our feelings, acknowledge them, and express them. We can’t move forward without first feeling the honesty of what is going on inside of us. Then, with time, we slowly open to a larger perspective. And that perspective is grounded in a feeling of truth. So we “get it” on a deeper level. We meet ourselves with more understanding. This is how self realization works for me.

So I let myself feel the sadness and grief. I argued with the Heavens. I played it out. I was authentic with myself. I didn’t pretend to be anywhere other than where I was at. There was a big rumble going on inside of me. I knew that no clarity can come in if I didn’t stay with what was real.

I remembered that over the years I have seen many ministers in my practice. They were coming up against themselves and needed some help unraveling their distress. I noticed that they moved too quickly through the stages of anger and despair, to get to the big place of forgiveness or faith. Its okay to have a rumble inside of us, but sometimes we can see it as a weakness or we just want to feel better, so we decide to move to an intellectual level of acceptance or forgiveness or understanding. We move to a higher perspective without feeling everything that is human inside of us. Unfortunately, when we do this, our emotions can come back at us because we have dealt with it intellectually, or according to our ideal as to how we should handle it. This does not uproot the thoughts that are causing the distress. We need to go as deep as we can, and feel our true emotions. We need to do an inquiry around our thoughts and assumptions.

So that is what I did.  I thought I was further ahead than where I was at, and I had brought in some judgement.

Sound familiar?

I am grateful for the eulogy in that it challenged me to really choose where I stood.

For each one of us, it is important to go inside of us and find out what our own truth is…not the other person’s truth or the world’s truth, but our own truth.

It happened to be around death for me, but we are all challenged to choose how we process all of our thoughts and choices of behaviours.

For me, perspective started to come in after I did the “work”. The perspective was not intellectual; it was a knowingness about what felt right.

I remember one of Einstein’s most favourite quotes. “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”  Our experience of life is determined by that decision or choice.

Clarity came in for me. I don’t presume to know whether life or death is better for me, or anyone I love. I moved back to my core belief that my spiritual beliefs are my truths, and I live my life through them. It doesn’t mean I won’t have another rumble, but my knowingness went to a deeper level through this.

Self-growth can feel like giving birth. Whatever the theme or issue!!

Whatever is going on inside of you right now, it offers the potential to move forward. It’s not “bad”, it is your process of bringing more understanding to you and what you stand for. This is how we grow and expand.

Tags: behaviours, Bev Pugh, choose, grief, knowingness, sadness, self-growth, tears, thoughts, truth, work
Posted in healing | 2 Comments »

Oct
14
2014

My Brother Died

Ocean Waves“They lived and laughed and loved and left.” – James Joyce

Such sadness. My younger brother has passed away.

Feeling deep loss is a tough one for all of us.

There are layers and layers to grief. I’m experiencing them as I go through this. Grief also comes in waves. You’re good, and then a wave comes in and you are hit by it. Layers and waves…I’m experiencing all of them.

I’m consciously letting myself feel all the emotions. Part of me wants to just hold the bigger picture…the cyclical nature of every aspect of our life. But holding perspective doesn’t mean that there are not times when we feel raw, vulnerable, exposed and despairing.

So, as I go through these layers, I allow whatever is there to come to the surface so I can see what it is. Then I “be” with it.

Grief can’t go through us if we don’t feel it, acknowledge it, and allow it to be present. I know I am consciously breathing deeply as I invite it to go through me, rather than getting stuck.

And then there is the feeling that “nothing is the same”. It is strange, because life goes on around us as if nothing has changed.

However, everything has changed. There is a remembering of the way it was, a raw missing of the past, lots of emotions around change, and the attachment to the way it was. We go through them all.

I am also aware that grief signals a new beginning. A new book is beginning, so to speak. And that is the essence of life.

I’m remembering the importance of being gentle with ourselves when we are grieving. To grant ourselves the space to take care of our needs. And to listen to what we need.

Grief teaches us so much. Our loved ones move on, and this gives us the opportunity to look at life in so many new and different ways.

I’m remembering that life is about cycles – night and day – seasons, a minute, an hour…everything is a cycle. And so are we. Each cycle is completed.

My words of wisdom at this moment are this:

Everyone’s death is a big lesson for those of us left behind.

Stay growing!!

 

Tags: awareness, Beverley Pugh, change, emotions, feelings, grief, growing, healing, sadness
Posted in healing, managing emotions | 32 Comments »

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Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Invite yourself to consciously laugh and see the humour in the moment. Feel what it's like to enjoy the joy in laughter. Let your body dance to the vibration of laughter! Recall it whenever you want to shift your mood or attitude.

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Bev's Laughing and Breathing Belly Workshop for Children was one of the best I have attended. She has a gifted ability to gently connect with children and teach and share with them her techniques of belly breathing, rooting, mind vacations and laughter. These techniques soothe and calm them whenever they feel overwhelmed or anxious - be at school, home or before bed time. Whether you have an overwhelmed pre-schooler or a test-anxious pre-teen, Bev's approach works! I love that she gave parents the tools to model and share these fundamentals of meditation with their children. I would encourage families to take her course...your children will thank you and you will benefit from ways to keep yourself calm and allow wisdom in.

Farrah J. - Mother of 3, West Vancouver

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
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V7T 1B8
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