by Kate
Two years ago I left my husband. Well, to be precise, I told him it wasn’t going to work and that he needed to move out. There are a lot of reasons for this decision. Funnily enough, when I told him he quickly agreed with me. I guess we were both feeling unhappy for a long time, it just took me to finally act on it for things to change.
You see, I had come to a place where I knew that I had gotten married for all the wrong reasons. I married him for the life that I thought I wanted. You know the one – house, car, kids, dog – in other words, I was trying to live the “dream”. The problem was that I was trying to fit myself and my husband into this so called “dream life”, that in reality wasn’t really what either of us wanted. We felt smothered, and spent more time arguing then we ever did getting along. So I did the only thing that made sense to me; I left him.
Since then, you could say I’ve been on quite a journey of self-growth. At first, I went through every emotion imaginable – from grieving to anger to loneliness to heartbreak. Those first few months are a blur. I just focused on trying to keep it together for my kids, and making it through the day.
But gradually I was able to start to reflect on my life, and the choices I’ve made. I realized that I was the one who had created a life that wasn’t making me happy, so by that logic I could also create a new life – one where I could be happy and at peace with myself – emotionally and spiritually.
I started to meditate and practice yoga. I read books about inspiring people, and listened to audios like Bev’s Mastery of Health and Happiness. I began to see really positive aspects to my life. I realized that despite some bad choices, I had also made a lot of good ones.
Mostly, I started feeling gratitude – for the amazing people I know, for the good things going on in my life, and for all those little things that matter the most – like a hug from my 6 year old, and the way the sun looks coming up over the treetops in the morning. All of this has helped me to find myself again. I had lost that girl during my marriage, and I must admit that I was relieved to find her. I have a long way to go (really does personal growth ever stop?), but for now I’m content with feeling whole again, and that’s enough for me.
