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Mar
09
2017

To All Parents, Grandparents, and Aspiring Parents

“Our integrity is the greatest gift we can give our kids.” ~Bev Pugh

cat hugAll of us parents want to be the best parent we can. It is quite a responsibility and a beautiful gift!!! There are so many parenting books, but for me I love this one story about Gandhi which holds a tremendous amount of wisdom. It’s an important reminder for us all.

In India, a mother wanted her son to eat less sugar. She decided that since all her attempts had failed, she would travel a large distance with her son to have Gandhi tell him that he was eating too much sugar and should stop. After much planning and reflecting, she took her 7-year-old son on a 5-hour train ride to visit Gandhi. She had arranged for an audience with him.

When they finally met with Gandhi she explained her situation and worry about her son, and asked that he tell her son directly to stop eating sugar. She waited for Gandhi’s response. He turned to the mother and said, “come back in two weeks”. The mom was beside herself with disappointment and frustration, and pleaded with Gandhi again to tell her son that sugar was bad for him and he had to stop. Again Gandhi looked at the Mom and told her to come back in two weeks. Distraught, the Mom left with her son.

She waited the two weeks and then decided that she would try again. So she took her 7-year-old son on the train again and travelled the 5-hours to have another audience with Gandhi. When it was their time she again repeated the story and asked Gandhi to tell he son not to eat sugar. Gandhi turned to her son and in a clear strong voice he said, “Don’t eat sugar”. The Mom was so relieved and grateful. Her son looked like he had been spoken to by an oracle.

Before they left, the Mom said, “Why did you make me come back the second time? Why couldn’t you have told him that the first time? I had to travel many hours on the train.” To which Gandhi responded, “Because two weeks ago, I was eating sugar.”

This is a very powerful reminder to all of us parents that the most powerful way we can parent our kids, is to be our own advice. No amount of lecturing, preaching, guilt or pushing will teach them feel the truth of what we are asking of them. How many of us are in integrity with ourselves?

When I was in Japan and had my first child, a very special person said to me, “Our children are our biggest teachers”. How true!

Stay focused on your own internal growth. This will ripple out to your children. We are not perfect, and this isn’t about being perfect. I laugh at my double standard, and my kids are too wise not to see the difference between what I espouse and what I actually do. But what they do see is a parent who is dedicated to her own self-growth… from the inside out.

That is the greatest gift we can give them!

Tags: Bev Pugh, growth, integrity, internal, kids, parent, responsibility, self-growth, wisdom
Posted in Parenting | No Comments »

Jul
06
2015

Reminiscing On Bringing Up Our Kids

ChildSilverSpoon“False entitlement means:  I don’t have to earn anything…I am owed.

This can cripple our children who then go out into the real world thinking they don’t have to work for what they want.”

~ Beverley Pugh

Over the years many parents have referred themselves to me for ideas and strategies around avoiding the trap of unintentionally encouraging entitlement issues with their kids. Today I would like to share two practical strategies that I have used as a parent which I often share in my practice. My kids will be reading this so I am sure I will get comments!

First, some words on entitlement. Entitlement thinking is a style of focus and thought where an individual feels they are more important than the next person, and they are “owed” a certain lifestyle .There is an arrogance, self-absorption and criticalness to the individual’s approach to life. There is an omnipotence in their thinking. Parents can be so well meaning, yet if not careful they feed into the arrogant expectations of their children.

Canada is a very affluent part of the world. We have lots of “toys”, and they can be expensive. Children can be “spoiled” with affluence.

Here are the two practical strategies that were used in our household during the summer, and when traveling. Many of you may be into your holiday planning or adventures now.

First, I am a big fan of camping – going into nature and having our kids experience simplicity and living close to the land with minimum toys is wonderful. No technology allowed. Guess who puts up the tents and makes the fires? Everyone. No one gets to play on their cell phone or read a book while the others are putting the campsite together.

It can be so much fun cooking over a fire, and the kids start to get really creative. I know mine did. Hiking, fishing, campfire songs and helping each other out really builds the muscles of family and community. Helping out other people who are having difficulty with their campsite also helps build a sense of all being here to support one another.

You may not like camping, and this is all too much to ask. Our contributor this month has an interesting story around that. The spirit of the idea was fostered in that family.

A second strategy involves travelling. When we traveled, we went budget. We stayed in local hotels with no air conditioning, rode local buses, and ate simply. No 5 star hotels for us. They did what I did when I was a student with very little money. This helped give our children a wide variety of coping skills, and a huge toolkit for any time in their life. It also taught them gratitude. I am so glad we did it.

Have fun playing with these ideas and finding ways they can be helpful in your family. You can develop your own way of teaching these lessons.

It is wonderful to give thought to what we are doing, and why we are doing it. Keep that wide angle lens on your camera of decision making.

Enjoy and happy July!

Bev

 

Tags: attention, Bev Pugh, change, choice, family, gratitude, happiness, inspiration, intention, life, Mastery of Health and Happiness
Posted in awareness, Balance, change, Creating What You Want, Feeling Gratitude, Gratitude, Inspirational, Parenting | 1 Comment »

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Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

A Day to Remember

Know that I do every practice exercise I share with you. As you are playing with them, I am as well. I personally need the reminders and practices to stay on the course of what is important for me. I find practices help me build the consistency of ‘inner muscle’ I want in life. I stay committed to my self-growth so I notice, I practice, and I self correct. So here is this month’s Practice Exercise which I first did in Japan while working...

Take a day and choose to commit to notice and find delight in all the small things. Take nothing for granted. Exaggerate your noticing and enjoyment. Really be present. You may have a picture of yourself really vibrating with aliveness. Take a good look, and recreate that feeling inside you. Wake yourself up. For example: While drinking water think “wow this feels good...I love it!!”. Really open yourself to being appreciative of all the little things around you in your life.

If you forget, just correct without judgement, and go back to noticing and smiling with appreciation. Behind this is a very powerful part of you that can determine the ‘colours’ you experience inside.

Testimonial

Bev's Laughing and Breathing Belly Workshop for Children was one of the best I have attended. She has a gifted ability to gently connect with children and teach and share with them her techniques of belly breathing, rooting, mind vacations and laughter. These techniques soothe and calm them whenever they feel overwhelmed or anxious - be at school, home or before bed time. Whether you have an overwhelmed pre-schooler or a test-anxious pre-teen, Bev's approach works! I love that she gave parents the tools to model and share these fundamentals of meditation with their children. I would encourage families to take her course...your children will thank you and you will benefit from ways to keep yourself calm and allow wisdom in.

Farrah J. - Mother of 3, West Vancouver

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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