How many times on our lives have we “jumped to conclusions” or “known” the reasons behind someone’s actions or words? How often do we automatically assume that we are at fault if someone is sad? Or angry? Or distant? Quite often the question we ask is, “What did I do?”
Because of the filters that affect our perceptions, we generally tend to arrive at conclusions that we do not even consider questioning. The perceptions are effortless, seemingly automatic and make so much sense.
When this happens, we are using a Circle of One Response. An action can only be the result of one reason, and the resulting emotions we feel from the action are set in stone. For instance, if a new friend doesn’t meet us for lunch, we may automatically decide she doesn’t like us and has purposely not come. The resulting emotions we feel are anxiety, rejection, sadness, depression, and we may even feel like a failure. As a result of the emotions, we may avoid her, and at the least, our day mired down in negativity.
Luckily, there is a way to save the day. If we imagine a Circle that has Many Responses and Thoughts, not just one assumption, we can save ourselves some emotional down time. For instance, maybe this new friend actually forgot and is embarrassed. Maybe she had a family emergency. Maybe she got the days mixed up. Maybe you got the days mixed up. Maybe she’s at the wrong restaurant. Maybe her dog got lost. Maybe she got lost. Maybe you’re lost!
With the alternative perceptions, the resulting emotions are certainly lighter and can actually be humorous. The day is not lost to negative emotions based on an assumption that “feels” automatic and real.
So it’s helpful to question our automatic perceptions and assumptions. The Circle of Many Responses and Thoughts gives us the opportunity to acknowledge other possibilities. Most importantly, it saves us from “automatically” feeling unhealthy and negative emotions that may be a figment of an erroneous imagination.
