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Forgiveness

April 8th, 2014

forgive“Forgiveness is not about pouring pink paint over our anger and pretending it does not exist.” – Beverley Pugh

I remember a special woman I worked with in Australia. She came in looking heartbroken and sad. When I asked her what help she was seeking, she said in a quiet, sad voice – “I can’t pray. I am so angry. I’ve lost my ability to relax and even my ability to pray.” I will always remember her and her journey. Her partner had an affair with her best friend of many years. Heartbreaking.  She not only lost the man she loved, she lost her best friend.

She was very angry at both of them. Her feelings of betrayal were sky high. She asked her partner to leave, and said goodbye to her best friend. She was so angry so couldn’t sleep or relax. She felt like a caged tiger.

We have all felt aspects of anger, rage, betrayal, disappointment. These emotions can eat away at us. If they stay inside of us for a long time, they and we become toxic – toxic to our physical and emotional health. Forgiveness is an essential gift that we need to practice, but first comes the anger. We all need to fully feel and express our emotions before we move into ways of experiencing forgiveness. Some of us move too quickly into trying to find forgiveness. We don’t allow ourselves to feel the completeness of our anger and sadness first. Others of us feel that we will never be able to forgive, so why bother.

Forgiveness does not mean we condone the other’s behaviour or our own behaviour. It does not mean we make excuses or absolve them or ourselves of taking responsibility for our choice.

This Australian woman, over time, wrote both of them letters of anger and then later letters of forgiveness. She did this for herself. She wanted peace within herself. Her goal was to live in the present moment rather than reliving the past over and over. Her final decision, which felt best for her, was to separate from both of them and move forward into a new life.

Compassion is a key pathway to forgiveness. How do we get to compassion? Here is one way: if, for example, the theme is betrayal of someone else, ask yourself if you have ever engaged in betrayal in some way – maybe not like they did, but some other way. Write down 3 memories. Then remember how you felt, and let your heart open to yourself. We are actually letting our heart open to the true human part of ourselves. Our heart opens to how we humans make mistakes.

There are no excuses for the choices we make. Accountability and responsibility are necessary aspects of everything that happens. Within the framework of responsibility, we allow ourselves to open our hearts to the human part of ourselves that struggles. This is where compassion lives. Forgiveness is about finding that place of compassion.

Forgiveness is a process of the heart, not the head. It is not a mental process.

Forgiveness is not about staying in an unhealthy situation. It is about cleaning out part of us that is dark and troubled.

Forgiveness is an aspect of human spirit, based on our humanness. It is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.

Tags: acceptance, Beverley Pugh, compassion, emotions, forgiveness, health, life, Mastery of Health and Happiness, self-growth
Posted in change, forgiveness

 

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Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

A Day to Remember

Know that I do every practice exercise I share with you. As you are playing with them, I am as well. I personally need the reminders and practices to stay on the course of what is important for me. I find practices help me build the consistency of ‘inner muscle’ I want in life. I stay committed to my self-growth so I notice, I practice, and I self correct. So here is this month’s Practice Exercise which I first did in Japan while working...

Take a day and choose to commit to notice and find delight in all the small things. Take nothing for granted. Exaggerate your noticing and enjoyment. Really be present. You may have a picture of yourself really vibrating with aliveness. Take a good look, and recreate that feeling inside you. Wake yourself up. For example: While drinking water think “wow this feels good...I love it!!”. Really open yourself to being appreciative of all the little things around you in your life.

If you forget, just correct without judgement, and go back to noticing and smiling with appreciation. Behind this is a very powerful part of you that can determine the ‘colours’ you experience inside.

Testimonial

Bev's Laughing and Breathing Belly Workshop for Children was one of the best I have attended. She has a gifted ability to gently connect with children and teach and share with them her techniques of belly breathing, rooting, mind vacations and laughter. These techniques soothe and calm them whenever they feel overwhelmed or anxious - be at school, home or before bed time. Whether you have an overwhelmed pre-schooler or a test-anxious pre-teen, Bev's approach works! I love that she gave parents the tools to model and share these fundamentals of meditation with their children. I would encourage families to take her course...your children will thank you and you will benefit from ways to keep yourself calm and allow wisdom in.

Farrah J. - Mother of 3, West Vancouver

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

Contact

Telephone:
604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
Location:
120-1451 Marine Drive
West Vancouver, BC
V7T 1B8
Canada

Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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