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My Birthday Gift to You

April 4th, 2016

“Do or do not. There is no try.” ~ Yoda in Star Wars

Dominant ThoughtsYes, it’s my birthday this month! I love my birthday because I am the center of my own attention…in a positive way!!!  And it’s cause for celebration! It’s a great feeling to truly celebrate ourselves.

As I reflect on my growth throughout the years, I would like to share with you one of the most foundational pieces of learning that I have experienced. It’s a phrase that I quietly say to myself. But first let me tell you why it is important to me, and probably to you as well.

I grew up in a family where negative thinking was a way of life, and a way of fending off the worst things that could happen. The belief was that if you anticipate the worst by thinking negatively, then you protect yourself from the hurt you feel if something “bad” happens. You don’t hurt as much because you were emotionally preparing for it. This was not verbally said in my family, but I could feel it as a way of surviving and coping.

In my years of psychology, I learned that these negative thoughts come from the primal or instinctual part of the brain. It’s a safety mechanism. It’s a hard wiring. It’s not that it is bad or wrong. It has a place in our lives, but we were not meant to live our lives from this place or part of our brain. When we do, we recreate our past in our present. For many of us it has to do with the theme of not being good enough. Either we feel we are not good enough, or each situation or moment is not good enough. Lack is a common theme for many of us.

Since I grew up in a family who would anticipate bad things, coping techniques like control or avoidance became strong. Controlling can be a way of trying to make bad things not happen.

The second major thing I learned in psychology, was that my conscious mind is my ticket to happiness and freedom. What I am not conscious of, I can’t change. What I am conscious of, I can choose to change. Our conscious mind carries the ticket of choice. Of course a large part of counselling is knowing ways of unlocking the subconscious, so the conscious mind has more insight and choice.

So what is the phrase that has helped me navigate through life…more than navigate, flourish?

I began with the understanding that “what we focus on expands”. So true!!!

For some time that was my focus and my mantra, so to speak. It is very powerful in that our experience of life changes depending on what we are focusing on. Thank heavens for the conscious mind because it can choose our focus! If our subconscious is in charge, it may focus on negatives and lack…it holds a filing cabinet of doubts, fears and traumas. It is important we stay awake and aware of what we are thinking. We can teach ourselves how to observe our thoughts rather than be run by them.

Over time I began to develop a phrase to stay conscious. I began to quietly say to myself, “staying conscious”. What does consciousness mean to me? It means staying awake and connected to my wisdom and what I stand for. It means being present in every moment. It means seeing what is good in the moment, and feeling appreciation and gratitude for everything.

Over time I changed my heart filled mantra to “I am the highest consciousness” because I realized I wanted to live my life from an elevated consciousness. I found that just saying this phrase brought in a lot of energy and happiness because it put me in charge, rather than my thoughts.

It is important to understand that we can’t get rid of our negative thoughts. That is like trying to drain the ocean. There are times, through inquiry, that we can take the energy out of our thoughts by challenging them. There are other times where we have a habit going, and we need to shift our focus so that the thought weakens.

An essential piece of learning here is that we can choose our dominant thought, and that is extremely powerful. The dominant thought you choose is essential to your health and happiness. It determines how you feel and act in the moment. It determines your perception, and therefore your experiences in life.

I went dog walking yesterday and realized I was taking the world with me. I quietly said to myself, “I am my highest consciousness”. I said it over and over until that was my dominant thought, and then I loved my quiet walk. I had left the world behind me.

Enjoy April. And I will think of you as I eat cake…lots of it!!

Tags: Bev Pugh, brain, conscious, dominant, fears, focus, habit, happiness, mind, negative, positive, subconscious, thoughts
Posted in Choice, managing emotions

 

12 Responses

  1. Mary Padilla says:
    April 5, 2016 at 8:13 am

    Happy Birthday Bev. Thank you for all the words of wisdom which I read very carefully and slowly and enjoy very much.

    Reply
    • admin says:
      April 7, 2016 at 10:07 am

      Hi Mary,
      Thank you and it is great to hear from you!
      All my best to you and hope all is well.
      xxo Bev

      Reply
  2. Pat S says:
    April 5, 2016 at 10:25 am

    Happy Birth-month, Bev! Thank you for your wonderfully open, straightforward, encouraging piece this month. As always, you inspire me to look beyond where I am currently stuck and choose higher.

    Reply
    • admin says:
      April 7, 2016 at 10:05 am

      Hi Pat,
      And you inspire me!!!!!
      Many thanks
      Love
      Bev

      Reply
  3. Wendy Bethune says:
    April 5, 2016 at 12:15 pm

    Great reading this ! I identify with all this wisdom. A better practitioner I hope to be.

    Very Happy Birthday !

    Reply
    • admin says:
      April 7, 2016 at 10:05 am

      Hi Wendy,
      Thanks and I love growing.
      You too!!
      Love
      Bev

      Reply
  4. Wendy Bethune says:
    April 5, 2016 at 12:17 pm

    Great insight and positive development you have achieved. Happy Birthday!

    Reply
  5. Linda Sutherland says:
    April 6, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    Great article dear Bev and happy birthday whenever!
    HUGS!!

    Reply
  6. Linda Sutherland says:
    April 6, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    Great article dear Bev! Happy birthday whenever!
    HUGS, Linda

    Reply
    • admin says:
      April 8, 2016 at 4:59 pm

      Hi Linda
      Great to hear from you!!!
      Thank you and yesterday was my birthday so how perfect is yur note!!!
      Would love to get together . Could yu send me an email to bev@beverleypugh.com
      xxoo

      Reply
  7. Norma Backe says:
    April 8, 2016 at 4:52 am

    Hi Bev. Always stay positive. What the heck! Think the worst and that is what you generally get. Have a lovely birthday and hurry back to Panama.

    Reply
    • admin says:
      April 9, 2016 at 10:23 am

      Great to hear from you and your wise advise as usual.
      Will let you know when we are coming!!
      XXOO

      Reply
 

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Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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Mastery Practice Tool

Step 1: Play with the following exercise. It can be very powerful.

- If you are a parent, imagine your child.

- If you have an animal, imagine your pet.

- If you love sunsets, imagine the sunset.

- If you love the ocean, trees, Pilates, standing on your head, then imagine this.

Now let the love you feel for it, flow towards it. It’s a great feeling. Just open up your heart and feel the love you have for this special being or person. Take a moment to feel your love for something that opens your heart.

Step 2: Now take that beautiful heart-felt feeling and give it to yourself. Let yourself receive it. That warm feeling of appreciation, of love, let yourself receive it and feel it. It’s your own valentine.

Resistance may come in. Just pause and breathe and stay with the exercise.

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Bev's Laughing and Breathing Belly Workshop for Children was one of the best I have attended. She has a gifted ability to gently connect with children and teach and share with them her techniques of belly breathing, rooting, mind vacations and laughter. These techniques soothe and calm them whenever they feel overwhelmed or anxious - be at school, home or before bed time. Whether you have an overwhelmed pre-schooler or a test-anxious pre-teen, Bev's approach works! I love that she gave parents the tools to model and share these fundamentals of meditation with their children. I would encourage families to take her course...your children will thank you and you will benefit from ways to keep yourself calm and allow wisdom in.

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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604-925-1513
Email:
bev@beverleypugh.com
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V7T 1B8
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Disclaimer: The information presented on this site about various psychological conditions, is of a general nature and is not a substitute for an assessment by a competent therapist and/or medical professional. If you believe that you or an important person in your life is in need of an intervention please seek qualified help as soon as possible.

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