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My Brother Died

October 14th, 2014

Ocean Waves“They lived and laughed and loved and left.” – James Joyce

Such sadness. My younger brother has passed away.

Feeling deep loss is a tough one for all of us.

There are layers and layers to grief. I’m experiencing them as I go through this. Grief also comes in waves. You’re good, and then a wave comes in and you are hit by it. Layers and waves…I’m experiencing all of them.

I’m consciously letting myself feel all the emotions. Part of me wants to just hold the bigger picture…the cyclical nature of every aspect of our life. But holding perspective doesn’t mean that there are not times when we feel raw, vulnerable, exposed and despairing.

So, as I go through these layers, I allow whatever is there to come to the surface so I can see what it is. Then I “be” with it.

Grief can’t go through us if we don’t feel it, acknowledge it, and allow it to be present. I know I am consciously breathing deeply as I invite it to go through me, rather than getting stuck.

And then there is the feeling that “nothing is the same”. It is strange, because life goes on around us as if nothing has changed.

However, everything has changed. There is a remembering of the way it was, a raw missing of the past, lots of emotions around change, and the attachment to the way it was. We go through them all.

I am also aware that grief signals a new beginning. A new book is beginning, so to speak. And that is the essence of life.

I’m remembering the importance of being gentle with ourselves when we are grieving. To grant ourselves the space to take care of our needs. And to listen to what we need.

Grief teaches us so much. Our loved ones move on, and this gives us the opportunity to look at life in so many new and different ways.

I’m remembering that life is about cycles – night and day – seasons, a minute, an hour…everything is a cycle. And so are we. Each cycle is completed.

My words of wisdom at this moment are this:

Everyone’s death is a big lesson for those of us left behind.

Stay growing!!

 

Tags: awareness, Beverley Pugh, change, emotions, feelings, grief, growing, healing, sadness
Posted in healing, managing emotions

 

32 Responses

  1. Marsha says:
    October 14, 2014 at 10:47 pm

    So sorry for your loss Bev. Take care of yourself.

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 15, 2014 at 3:14 pm

      Hi Marsha, Thanks a lot for your support. Grief is tough, but I am beginning to mobilize. Lots of love and I’ll be in touch. Bev

      Reply
  2. Lorraine Conn says:
    October 14, 2014 at 11:01 pm

    Bev. I am so sorry. You have been on my mind so much lately as Danielle had told me you had cancelled her appt for family reasons. Sending you love. Lorraine

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 15, 2014 at 3:13 pm

      Hi Lorraine, Thank you so much for your caring and your support. It’s been a tough time, but I’m on the move again. Lots of love, Bev

      Reply
  3. Rone McLellan says:
    October 14, 2014 at 11:10 pm

    Hello Bev,
    I am so very sorry for your loss – it must be especially difficult because you were his big sister. Thank you for sharing your grief and especially all the emotions, processes and changes you are experiencing. Your words are lovely and I am sure they will help many others in a time of need.
    Bless you,
    Rone & Murray

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 15, 2014 at 3:15 pm

      Thanks Rone. Good to hear from you. I hope you and Murray are doing well. It was a tough passing, but I’m on the move again. Lots of love, Bev

      Reply
  4. Farrah says:
    October 14, 2014 at 11:34 pm

    Dearest Bev, I’m sending you lots of love and peace as you face this loss. Thank you for reminding us so beautifully what it means to face, embrace and accept change, even in the form of the passing of a loved one. Breathe and keep looking up as you once told me.

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 15, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      Hi Farrah, thanks a lot for your support and love. I’ve been thinking a lot about you. Hope you are on the move. Look forward to getting in touch with you. Love, Bev

      Reply
  5. Pam Bulpin says:
    October 14, 2014 at 11:50 pm

    This sounds good Bev.. It’s what a lot of grieving people need to do I would say.. and so would the bereavement section of the hospice society….It is so important to acknowledge it rather than push it away or bury it. The riding of the waves will continue… but hopefully the pain of it will lessen with time.
    Love and best wishes, Pam

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 15, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      Hi Pam, Thanks a lot for your wisdom. Grief is tough but so are the cycles of life. Lots of love, Bev

      Reply
  6. Peggy Castle says:
    October 15, 2014 at 12:36 am

    I cant believe that only five minutes ago, I was thinking of you and reminding myself how wonderful you always made me feel with your kind, welcoming comments you regularly said just prior to our sessions. Your welcoming hug, big smile and your special way of “walking in my shoes” was so endearing.
    This is the week that Kent died so it’s only natural for me to think of you and how much your therapy helped me with my grief. I remember you saying that each of us has a path that we were destined to be on .. a path designed by a “higher power”, so the death of our loved ones happens when it is meant to be … and at some time we will understand what we were meant to learn from it. Most of all, your engraining into me “to go to gratitude” for everything wonderful that Kent brought into my life.

    My heart reaches out to your heart at this time of grief. You were lucky to have grown up with a brother, and your brother was blessed to have shared his life with Bucky Beaver. Much love and heartfelt sympathy, my friend.

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 15, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      Hi Peggy, It was wonderful to hear from you and thank you so much for all of your love and support. My brother’s passing was a real tough one. My wish, as you know, is that with every tough fall that comes on the court, we grow even more. I think of you with lots of love in my heart. Take care, Bev

      Reply
  7. Rob Peach says:
    October 15, 2014 at 3:54 am

    Thank you for this, Beverly. One small gift Ron left me was the brief opportunity to meet you.
    Take good care, Rob

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 15, 2014 at 3:20 pm

      Hi Rob, thank you so much for your words of support and encouragement. It means a lot to me to have met you and your partner. Larry is moving next week. So much change. Who knows, I may see you again in Panama. Lots of appreciation, Bev

      Reply
  8. Anne Leader says:
    October 15, 2014 at 8:19 am

    My darling dog-daughter, Luba, died last Friday Oct 10th. I can relate. Sending love and blessings to you, Bev.

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 15, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      Oh Anne I am so sorry to hear about Luba! What a tremendous loss. My thoughts are with you. Thank you so much for your condolences about my brother. Grief is a tough one. Thank heavens we have one another. Love, Bev

      Reply
  9. Elizabeth McLenehan says:
    October 15, 2014 at 9:38 am

    Dear Beverley,
    I am so very sorry to hear that your beloved younger brother passed away. May he now rest in peace and rise in glory! You were so supportive of him through his illness & he was blessed to have you as his older sister. I appreciate your account of grieving as I so valued your wisdom and support as I grieved through the loss of my mother… among other things! As always I keep you in my thoughts, my prayers and my heart. Hugs, Elizabeth

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 15, 2014 at 3:24 pm

      Hi Elizabeth, thank you so much for your words of support and encouragement. My brother’s passing was a really tough one. I also hold you in my heart as I hope you are moving forward. With love, Bev

      Reply
  10. Gwen says:
    October 15, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    Hello Bev. The last time we met I was grieving the loss of my brother. That was 5 years ago. My heart goes out to you now. Brothers are very special, we will hold them close in our hearts always. Sincerely, Gwen.

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 15, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      Hi Gwen, thank you so much for your message of support. I also remember our last session really well. Yes, brothers are special and its been a tough road. I am doing much better. Lots of love to you and take care, Bev

      Reply
  11. Pat S says:
    October 15, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    Dear Bev,

    Thank you for your courage, strength, and candor as you share your grief with us. The loss of a loved one is very, very hard. Know that your heart is being cradled in our hearts as you go through this. Your brother had a wonderful sister in his life. With warmest wishes, Pat

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 16, 2014 at 8:41 pm

      Thanks Pat, I love you and so value our friendship. Love, Bev

      Reply
  12. Pauline Buck says:
    October 15, 2014 at 7:03 pm

    Oh Beverley – It doesn’t seem right that one’s counselor should be feeling such personal grief. It’s like one’s doctor getting sick! Yet, it’s partly because you live a real life and experience real emotion that you can be so helpful to us. You guided me through my personal grief during and after Bills illness and death. And now one of your loved ones has moved on. My heart goes out to you in your loss. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us during this tough time. Bless you. Pauline

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 16, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      Yes we’ve both been through so many cycles of life together. Thank you so much for your support and caring. Love, Bev

      Reply
  13. Kate Allen says:
    October 15, 2014 at 11:50 pm

    Glad to read you are doing better-we really don’t want those we love to become unavailable.My husband has promised he will outlive me ,but I don’t 100 percent believe it.Carry on being the great person your brother enjoyed.Love from the world,and from the butterfly on your page,Kate

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 16, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      Thanks Kate, I really appreciated receiving your messages. The cycles of life are real ups and down. I’m moving forward and I hope you are too. Thanks, Love Bev

      Reply
  14. Gina says:
    October 16, 2014 at 7:08 am

    Dear Bev,
    Sending you love and support during this time of healing. Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. Your word “Part of me wants to just hold the bigger picture…the cyclical nature of every aspect of our life. But holding perspective doesn’t mean that there are not times when we feel raw, vulnerable, exposed and despairing.” have articulated what I tried to convey for myself as my colleague passed away unexpectedly on Monday. So thank you for helping me navigate through yearning for the big picture to dissolve the emotions and the need to allow those emotions to be experienced.

    Take really good care of yourself. Sending you love.
    Gina L.

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 16, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      Dear Gina, You are a very wise woman. Thank you for sharing your wisdom as well. Look forward to reconnecting with you. Love, Bev

      Reply
  15. Georgia says:
    October 17, 2014 at 8:05 am

    I am so sorry for your loss bev. It is so amazing that in your grief you give back to others and use it as a teaching experience. You truly are inspiring. Sending you love and light

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 17, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      Thank you Georgia for your support and caring. Grief is tough!
      I think of you often and send you love.
      Bev

      Reply
  16. Margaret says:
    October 18, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    Im sorry for your loss Bev, I wish for peace for you, take care of yourself, as you have done for so many of us.

    Reply
    • admin says:
      October 21, 2014 at 10:12 am

      Thanks Margaret.
      I appreciate your words of support.
      One step at a time!
      XXBev

      Reply
 

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Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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About Beverley

Beverley Pugh has international experience in Individual, Marital and Family Therapist services. Areas of practice include counselling in: individual, couples, family, anxiety, addictions, grief, depression, pain management, multicultural, workplace and others.

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