My Journey to Self-Forgiveness by Gina

Self-forgiveness has been the underlying theme as I navigated through my twenties, thirties and now forties. I don’t believe self-forgiveness was in my vocabulary during my twenties. I just knew that there were things I had done that I regretted and wished I could undo; I lived so far outside of myself looking for acceptance and validation from others perhaps as an unconscious attempt to transmute what I felt were personal transgressions and I did this in unhealthy ways without knowing that was what I was doing. I entered into a long period of self-harm that extended well into my thirties; addictions, disordered eating, suicidal tendencies, and depression characterized my life and for the longest time I believed this was as good as my life would be, and that perhaps I was paying the price for all those things I regretted from the past.

Then at some point in my mid-thirties, all systems went into revolt. My health deteriorated and during my exploration of external causes I was guided more and more towards an exploration of my internal landscape where self-worth, self-love and self-forgiveness became part of my vocabulary. These were all words that resonated strongly at the intellectual level, much like the concept of nurturing my inner child did. But in order to actually embody and live self-worth, self-love and self-forgiveness, I had to commit to an emotionally intense exploration of self and subconscious beliefs through the support of practitioners from a variety of modalities (with deepest gratitude Beverley).

However, the benefits from this commitment far outweigh the difficult and challenging aspects of it. I am still on my journey, but am now in a very beautiful place where I am embodying more and more self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-love through self-forgiveness. All the unconstructive and unhealthy coping strategies from my earlier days don’t have their hooks in me like they used to; sure they may surface depending on the circumstance, but the strength of self-worth, self-love and self-forgiveness washes through them taking away their power over me.

Everything that has happened in my life was necessary for my growth. All my experiences were about wanting to be loved and accepted, and however painful the outcome may have been, they led me to finding my love for myself. My love for myself has always been there down deep, so was there anything there to forgive in the first place?

Tags: acceptance, Beverley Pugh, change, emotions, forgiveness, love, Mastery of Health and Happiness, self-growth
Posted in forgiveness, Inspirational, Love, Self Growth