How to Support a Journey Through Cancer

“I am fully alive in this moment regardless of my physical condition.” ~ Bev Pugh

The word cancer can hold a great deal of emotion. There are so many of us that have been touched by this diagnosis. I have supported many friends and family members through this journey, and also have worked extensively in this area throughout the years. Initially there can be feelings of shock, fear, disbelief, denial, and overwhelming devastation. People often think of death when they hear the word cancer. It is important for all of us to remember that so many survive.

I was just talking to a dear friend yesterday who has been cancer free for 8 years. She was sharing how it was both “bad and good”. It was tough going through it, and at the same time the growth and wisdom she now has is precious to her. She has a great deal to share.

Anxiety is an emotion that surfaces quickly when dealing with cancer. We are dealing with the unknown, and something that feels out of our control. Lives can become centered around doctors’ appointments. Life changes. Worry and apprehension begin to dominate thoughts and feelings. We know it is important to focus on “wellness” and reducing stress in order to activate self-healing, but it is difficult when fear runs through us. I recently talked to a man who was diagnosed with kidney cancer (and he is successfully cancer free now), but his blood pressure went through the roof as he went through the process. This is not unusual.

I would like to share with you how I support people who are journeying through the experience of cancer, or who are supporting someone who is on this road. This is my own approach given my years of experience:

1) I encourage people not to go to the internet for their research and information. The clients I have worked with return consistently more anxious after spending time online. They tend to go into overload, and are less empowered by their experience. Finding your power through the experience of cancer is very important. The internet is as full of misinformation as good information. Be wary of what you read and use discernment.

I would recommend you stay focused on your situation and experience. Not on everyone else’s experience. If information is needed, you can delegate that job to a discerning friend who will not increase your level of anxiety.

2) Gathering information is very important. It is part of building your own sense of power through this. Develop a list of questions that are really important for you. Be prepared for each appointment with your written questions. Overwhelming feelings can make our memory become clouded. One person I worked with made sure she had a friend at each appointment, so there was a second pair of ears. That person’s job was to write out all the answers and make sure all the questions were answered. Another person I worked with had his family members be part of developing the questions, so that the whole family was being supported through the process.

3) Remember, it is your decision how many people you want to tell. I have noticed that some people go very public, and some are very private. The key issue here is you taking charge and deciding what is best for you. There is no right or wrong; only your own honesty with yourself about what feels right.

4) Nurture yourself. What does this look like for you? It may be massages, baths, walks, nature, music, surrounding yourself with loving people, watching funny films….and so much more. Exercise your choice on how to love yourself. This builds the feeling of self-empowerment.

5) Self-advocacy. You know yourself better than anyone else. Recommendations will be made to you by your friends and your doctors. It is important for all of us to always remember that we have a choice. Even a recommendation from an expert, still places the ball in your court. You know the life you want to lead. This isn’t about being naïve, it’s about honouring ourselves at all times. Our guest contributor made some interesting choices that reflected who she is.

6) I would like to share a tool that I share with clients and friends and I use all the time when I face a tough situation.

There are times when we are dealt cards we wouldn’t choose. It is important to look at what choices are available to us. Sometimes we feel so overwhelmed, that we don’t see there are options as to how to handle the situation and move forward. In order to get to the place of choice, we often have to clean out all the clutter that is dominating our mind and emotions.

This is where I start with people, and where I start with myself in a stressful situation. Release the internal pressure inside and you release the clutter.

I personally use continuous writing to release internal pressure. It’s actually more like scrawling. I release all my pent up and repetitive thoughts and emotions. No one sees it, and no one reads it but me. In fact, I rarely reread what I have written. I write without thinking. I just let whatever is inside of me pour out – all of the thoughts; all of the emotions. I sensor nothing. I judge nothing. It’s like a mental and emotional “vomit”. I can swear, blame, and act out on paper. I just keep writing until everything inside of me at that time is out. It is important to acknowledge all our thoughts and feelings, even if it is painful we need to allow for whole expression – full expression without judgement.

Nothing new can come in when we are filled up inside with mental and emotional chaos or turmoil. I create space inside of me so that I have choice. Choice as to how I want to feel inside, and choice as to what to focus on. Choice as to how connected I want to feel to my inner essence rather than the story of what is happening. Choice to see the present moment and move into appreciation for all that is here, rather than being preoccupied with fearful thoughts.

My pattern is to write day after day until the internal pressure is released. I know when that happens because I feel cleaner, more focused, and more mobilized. My breathing becomes deeper and stronger. I always know when I’m on the right track because my body and my breath changes. My breathing becomes a sigh and my body opens and relaxes.

Releasing internal pressure is pivotal to all of us at any time of year. Once we release, we can begin to “think bigger” and hold perspective.

Please share this newsletter with anyone who you feel could benefit. It could be someone who is going through circumstances they would not choose, or people who are supporting them. It could be you.

Tags: anxiety, Bev Pugh, cancer, clutter, empowered, experience, feelings, focus, life changes, nuture, support, worry thoughts
Posted in awareness, Breathing, healing, Inspirational, Learning to Adapt, managing emotions, Meditation and Relaxation, Self Growth, Stress